


A Wooden Nest

by gentlesquid_andink



Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: Cabin!fic, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14773596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentlesquid_andink/pseuds/gentlesquid_andink
Summary: If Jaz needed someone on her six, somewhere she could let her subconscious bubble to the surface in relative safety, someone there to see her through it, he could provide that for her. He could wait her out.





	1. Chapter 1

Jaz hadn’t realized she was on her old subway line until her feet were carrying her off at her parents’ stop. It was like her mind refused to even entertain the possibility that this was even happening; before she knew it, she was standing across from the apartment she left when she signed up. And with another jump skip of her subconscious, Jaz found herself in an alleyway between a bodega and a tattoo parlor down the block, unable to breathe.

The air wouldn’t stay in Jaz’s lungs. Or maybe it was staying in her lungs, but her heart wouldn’t have anything to do with it, pumping and pumping so hard her breath couldn’t catch up. Every tactic in her sniper training that Jaz used to bend her body to her own will flew out of mind. All she could think was _Ican’tbreatheIcan’tbreatheIcan’tbreathe._

She had deployed half a dozen times now to active war zones and instead, she was going to die 300 feet from the apartment in New York she had managed to escape. How twisted was that?

Fuck. She was pretty sure she was having a panic attack.

Jaz tried to imagine McG beside her, his voice guiding her to _breathe, Jazzy. Take a breath and hold it, one, two, three. Let it out, that’s it. Now another - hold it, you can do it._ But all she could hear was the erratic thumping of the blood in her ears. Her vision was beginning to turn dark at the edges and she wasn’t sure she would recognize a threat if it were headed straight for her.

Her fingers were shaking so hard, she was surprised they were able to find the right buttons. The call went through, though, and then his name was right there on the screen. That made it all too real for some reason. It took her a moment, but she hung up. She would handle this. She would.

Jaz’s version of “handling it” currently consisted of not-passing-out and she was doing a bang up job, too. Step one was to slow down her hyperventilating and force her body to take in the proper levels of oxygen. She was damn proud of her hard earned control over her body, she could make it listen to her now.

Then the damn phone rang and, running on instinct, her mind translated the “Top” on her screen to a command for her traitorous fingers to answer.

“...Top?”

“Where are you?” He had such a steady voice. 

“I’m - I shouldn’t have gone home.” Jaz was just talking out loud, not talking to Top. Certainly not talking to her CO. “I don’t understand how that happened.” 

“Are you hurt?”

Jaz shook her head, “No, sir.”

“Can you go to ground?”

Jaz had to brace her hands against the grimy brick wall and hang her head between them to keep from passing out. She wasn’t sure which was worse: the mindless lack of control from just minutes ago or the wave of relief rushing through her at having Top’s voice in her ear ordering her options.

“Jaz! Can you find somewhere to wait?”

“Yes, sir. I can wait here. For what?”

“I’ll be there in...four hours. Keep your phone on.”

Top was coming for her. He’d find her, just like he had before. And she wouldn’t have to explain how her dumb body had betrayed her. Jaz sat down on the dirty ground up against a brick wall and stopped trying to focus her breathing. It didn’t matter - Top would find her.

oOo oOo oOo

Jaz knew she was in motion before she opened her eyes. When she did, all she could see was the variegated green of highway lining trees. She didn’t care where it was; this wasn’t New York and Top was here with her. She wasn’t sure what that meant, exactly, other than that she was safe. And apparently her body had figured that out and was letting air circulate freely again. Good enough.

Top noticed when she woke; of course he did. He saw how she stared out the window for a few miles and decided he had made the right call. For all her bluster, she wasn’t done processing Tehran. Things were different when you weren’t in the field; they always were. He could be there while she figured things out.

It took long miles of trees and the odd backs of houses before she spoke. 

“Where are we going?”

“Carlisle, Pennsylvania.” Things couldn’t be as easy as his reply. But Top with a plan was always steadfast. She didn’t have the energy to figure out an alternative when his answer to this whole mess was keeping her moving forward.

oOo oOo oOo

Jaz seemed to accept his reply, at least enough to make herself comfortable in the passenger seat and go back to gazing out the window. At some point, Top was pretty sure her breathing evened out and she was asleep again. If her panic attack indicated a more general frame of mind this leave, she likely hadn’t been getting enough sleep these past two weeks. And who could blame her after Elijah, Tehran. Preach. 

Keeping up his nonchalant exterior, Top continued formulating a plan. And a supplies list. Maybe several back-up plans and contingencies. He looked over where she was curled up; no way he couldn’t worry about her. She had let him pull her up off the ground and bundle her into his car while horns honked at his double-parking. No protests, no snide remarks. Just her eyes staring into the mid-distance on that smooth blank palette she got sometimes. That made his decision easy. 

If she needed someone on her six, somewhere she could let her subconscious bubble to the surface in relative safety, someone there to see her through it, he could provide that for her. He could wait her out. 

oOo oOo oOo

There was no way he could make it back without stopping for gas. They were an hour out and Adam paused after parking the car, trying to figure out whether it was better to wake Jaz or not. Ultimately, he decided to let her body decide; if she needed a bathroom, they could stop again. Sleep won out. She was still zonked out when he returned to the wheel. 

Guess they’d hit the road.

oOo oOo oOo

The access road up to the cabin was pretty rough; the car shook for several full minutes before jolting Jaz awake. “What…?”

“It’s okay! It's okay. You’re in a car with me. We’re almost there, actually.” Top stole a look at her during a bit of fairly straight going. “Mountain roads, not always so smooth.” They hit a rather violent pothole as if on cue. “Sorry.”

The thing about Jaz when she had really been sleeping, like the kind where you're practically hibernating, was that it took her a while to wake up. That hadn’t been conditioned out of her. Somehow, despite a decade of hardcore military training, she still struggled to slide more directly from sleep to alert. It was fucking adorable.

She was looking around, more inside the car than at the trees surrounding them. “I don’t understand…Top?”

“Slept good, hunh Jazzy?” She was nodding now as she continued looking around, still puzzled. “You called me, do you remember that? I came to get you in New York.”

“Carlisle, Pennsylvania,” she added, slowly.

“Wellll, a bit outside of Carlisle. I’m not like you city folks…” Adam Dalton winked at her. That got her questioning the bits of her current situation that might help her figure out if she was dreaming, passed out somewhere in…

“You came and got me.” 

“Yep. Seems you might need a bit of a vacation.”

Jaz looked around, the floor at her feet, the back seat - what she could see of it. “I don’t have any stuff! My bag?”

“Tucked behind your seat on the floor. Don’t worry, we’ll get settled in, figure out what you need. Go from there.”

Jaz sat forward again, looking ahead. Nodded cause it was a decent plan. And she was starting to wake up enough to be embarrassed, whether Top thought there was any call for it or not.

The road broke off onto a narrower path. If these were any other circumstances, Jaz would be looking out the window in awe, wondering how Top could live out here. What did it look like, to choose to live like this, even for just a few months out of each year? What did this mean for how she thought about his life, his novice and constantly updating psych eval of him? Instead, she was still in a bit of a nap hangover, trying to wrap her mind around what was going on.

About a mile down the path, the road went steeply vertical and Jaz automatically grabbed the handle inside her door. A few hundred feet later, they leveled out on a bit of a ledge and Adam pulled over into a clearing to park. He made it out of the car and around the front before she opened her door. As she was emerging, he asked, “This is alright, isn’t it? I couldn’t get you to tell me where you were staying…” he trailed off.

“Yeah, it’s -” She couldn’t pretend not to be a bit overwhelmed by the gesture, by everything that had happened, really. “This was really good of you. Thank you.”

He ducked his head a bit, and when he looked back up at her, it was with a big smile. Top opened his arms wide, “Welcome to the Blue Ridge Mountains, Jazzy.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had Elijah been right? Would the rawness of Adam’s woods force her into some sort of meditative state? Is that why Top had brought her here mid-breakdown? 
> 
> Thrumming underneath those thoughts: Is that what Top was like when he was here?
> 
> This is what she was mulling over as he opened the door and held it for her, gesturing for her to enter.

This was Jaz’s third leave with this Omega Team and each time they headed stateside, the offers went around. Her first leave, she had only just begun to trust how she fit on the team, never mind how the team fit into the rest of her life. Elijah had insisted she visit and she knew he would be deeply hurt if she ghosted. She politely declined the offers from Preach and McG, and they let her. Last year, she had allowed herself to be persuaded into joining Elijah on a trip to SoCal where she found it all too easy to lounge around Preach’s pool and laugh with his wife and girls. And if being off duty around her CO was easy, too, when he showed up mid-trip, well, that was just all that sunshine and salty ocean air, right? At least, that’s what she said when Elijah not-at-all-innocently asked if she was enjoying herself.

She had never visited Top, though. He always offered and she knew the others had all come through these woods. Elijah told her she’d hate it - the stark cabin amidst all that lush greenery. Practically demanded introspection and spiritual evolution, he said. 

Now that she was here, she was curious. Had Elijah been right? Would the rawness of Adam’s woods force her into some sort of meditative state? Is that why Top had brought her here mid-breakdown? 

Thrumming underneath those thoughts: Is that what Top was like when he was here?

This is what she was mulling over as he opened the door and held it for her, gesturing for her to enter. Even with generous natural light coming in large windows from the front and along the western, mountain side of the cabin, Jaz still had to wait for her eyes to adjust. They were too impatient for this initial advance into her CO’s place of retreat. The cabin was basically a square with a corner walled off. Must be the bathroom? The door opened at the far left into a living room. If she were anyone else, she might have eased into the space, waited for Top’s hospitality to guide her. But she wasn’t and there was no use pretending. What was the point of being here if she couldn’t use the opportunity to learn what she could?

Jaz wasn’t the only impatient one, though Top schooled himself into stillness as he watched her. Having Jaz rifling through the cabin was easily the most intimate thing he had ever done with her. And that included covert marriages and a life-affirming exfil from Iran. There were ghosts buried here, in the photos of his sisters, in the medals shoved into a kitchen drawer. All these little clues to the best and worst parts of his life and they were just sitting there under Jaz’s well-trained eyes. Watching her move around his space, run her attention over each surface, was a test of his comfort with himself and this life he chose. Sure, the only way to be on a team like theirs was to be willing to share even the least, the worst of himself and trust that his team would still cover him. 

But Jaz was - she wasn’t just picking up what he handed her. What he put between them. She might as well be inspecting every inch of his skin. Adam could feel it in the heightened alert of his muscles and the instinct in his nerves telling him to take action, _move._ Still, Top forced himself to remain to the side, leaning back against the wall perpendicular to the entry as Jaz moved from the living room into the small kitchen beside it. He knew how she operated under duress. If he wanted her to give up her own secrets, he needed to give her space and support through only the subtlest means. No sudden movements, no overt connection.

“Amir would be appalled,” Jaz called over her shoulder from his galley kitchen. “No oven, two burners.” She clicked her tongue and shot a faux shocked face in his direction, followed quickly by a grin. Top unfolded from his spot and slowly approached the kitchen. “Eh, he still made a mean breakfast, even without fancy digs.” That shocked her a bit, to hear that their newest team member had visited the cabin since they left Turkey. Good. Top wanted her to know just how welcome she was here. Nothing strange about taking some time in these mountains to recenter. Just another one of his guys.

“It’s perfectly serviceable.” He continued from where he had paused, still keeping his distance from the end of the couch separating the large open room. “You want the official tour or you wanna just keep nosing around?” Focus on communicating how open he was to having her here, he figured. Give her choices, even if he already knew which ones she’d make. “Oh I’m just gonna keep poking around…” she responded easily with a note of the inevitable. Top noted that the banter was good. This was Jaz being comfortable with in her surroundings, leaning on their established ways of accepting each other’s tendencies. 

Top turned to sit on the arm rest of the overstuffed couch and watched out of the corner of his eyes as Jaz worked out the brick column construction of the bookcase behind the kitchen counter. Stacks of bowls and plates and clusters of glasses nestled against the backs of books. “I wanted a bit more definition to the cabin. Doesn’t really add much privacy, but it does make the bedroom a bit more...defined. Anchored.” At his explanation, Jaz walked to the edge of the kitchen counter and around the bookcase. 

Aw hell. If she was going to scope out his bedroom, he might as well watch her do that, too, right? Top unfolded from the arm rest and followed as far as the opening between the bookcase and the wall. She had scooted between the bookcase and the bed and was reading through the titles. 

Top was still standing just inside the opening back out to the main living area, watching Jaz take stock of his library. “Do you read a lot on leave?” he asked. Everyone on the team had seen her young adult fiction on the couch and sometimes temporarily forgotten on various surfaces in the kitchen. Jaz was a sucker for coming of age stories wrapped up in unexpected adventure. She shrugged in his general direction, still decoding the organizational system for the books facing the bedroom side. “Same amount, I guess. I didn’t know you liked to read…not like this.” There had to be close to 500 books here.

Top let that comment slide. She would be learning a lot about him if she was staying for a while. Letting others in was a double-edged sword for him. Sometimes putting himself out there, explicitly drawing on the honest threads between himself and his team, was the most effective way he knew how to lead. And he knew Jaz was hungry for these details. He could give her that. “We should stop by Pomfret Street while we’re in town. See if they have anything you’d like.”

Jaz read that as a clue that Top was ready to move into the next phase of the operation. She stood up and turned to face him. Parade rest. Fuck. Top rolled his head on his neck a bit and reminded himself how long a day she’d had. Both of them, really. “We can start a list, if you want. I figured we’d take it easy tonight, maybe head into town tomorrow? We can pick up whatever you need beyond a toothbrush and a towel.” 

That didn’t seem like much of a plan, but she nodded once, more definitively than she felt. Getting books, buying some clothes - that sounded both long-term and entirely nebulous; a reactionary move to patch up her lack of foresight and planning. “Sorry - I didn’t, I should have thought to grab my bag…before we left…”  
Top hadn’t wanted to press her, but now might be a good time to make sure Jaz’s abrupt departure didn’t set off alarm bells anywhere. Might be best to do so while setting more distance than the coziness of his bedroom nook, though. Jaz was skittish as hell. While heading back into the main living room, Top asked her, “Is there anyone we should call or email? Let them know where you’re not in the city?” He didn’t even know if she had been checked into a hotel or staying with friends. 

Jaz followed him out into the living room and walked to the front of the house. It was easier to say “No” out the window than look at his reaction to her sad life. At least the trees and the ferns and the wildflowers littering Top’s front yard wouldn’t judge her off grid leave. What kind of person can just leave across state lines without anyone noticing? Well. Maybe the same sort of person who chose to live on the side of a mountain in the middle of nowhere. 

The more she thought about it, the more the utterly pragmatic part of Jaz believed that calling Top wasn’t just the best way to deal with her panic attack; it might actually be a semi-decent vacation. She could admit that maybe she needed one, an honest too good relaxing break from her current meandering reality. If she could just smooth out the rough edges of how she got here, preferably with as little involvement from Top as possible, she could resolve this in her mind as almost intentional on her part.

“Okay. I’d like to let Patricia know you’re alright, and here.” Jaz turned back to face her CO at that announcement. Of course Adam Dalton was already contesting her fantasy of an easy transition to a few days of rest. “Is there a reason why she should be worried about where I am? Does she think I’m in trouble?” 

Top rubbed at his jaw like he did when the odds were shifting and he had to take a calculated risk to meet his objective. So much for coming at things sideways. “Is there a reason _any_ of us should be worried about you, Jazzy?” She looked away; she wasn’t good at lying to him. “Any reason _I_ should be worried?”

“I’ll let her know myself. Keys?” She walked over to where Top was standing in the middle of the room and held out her hand. “Excuse me?” Jaz stayed stubbornly stoic. “Keys. My purse is still out in the car.”

Top sighed. This wasn’t going how he imagined when he decided he was bringing her back with him. He should have known better. Things with Jaz always screwed with his head a bit and man alive did he love how she kept him on his toes. He’d have to start remembering that if he was going to help support her coming back from...whatever this morning had been.

Top grabbed the keys from his back pocket and handed them over, wrapping his hand around hers over the keychain. “We can wait, if you want. No need to clue her in today. I just like to keep her in the loop is all. She’s better at backup when she has some context.” 

Jaz jerked the keys, and her hand, out of his grip and started back to get the bag she’d had on her in New York. “Don’t need her backup,” she said. 

oOo oOo oOo

As soon as she was out the door, Top sighed to himself and took stock.

He had broken the cardinal rule of leading Jasmine Kahn: Always up the ante. He had been trying to tone down the situation ever since he picked her up off a dirty back alley and whisked her away like some kind of hero. That wasn’t how she operated in the world and he knew it. You had to call her out by offering up yourself when she blustered; challenge her to prove who she was when she held back. He let himself get shocked out of that basic, yet profoundly useful, knowledge and it was making an already stressful day even more complicated than it had to be. 

So. New plan.

When Jaz came back into the cabin, Top was filling a water bottle, another on the counter beside the sink. He looked over his shoulder when he heard the door close and finished. As he was screwing the cap back on, he looked casually over at Jaz. “There’s a place I’d like to take you, not too far from here. I’d like you to see it.”

Just the thought of a hike in woods unknown, whose animals were unfamiliar and without a clear objective fueling her progress, made Jaz weary. Her whole body deflated before she could ask it to be more polite. Top must have seen it immediately since he shrugged. “It’s okay if you’re not up to it right now. It’s been a rough day, I know.”

“Christ, Top - I’m not an invalid!” He had his game face on, though. Top was ready this time to call her out, get her to say what she really needed so he could show her he would provide it. Choices and positive conditioning; Dr. Martin would be proud. 

“No one is saying you are. I’m just pointing out that you don’t have to come. It’s ok for you to choose to stay here, if you want.”

“Fine. Then that’s what I’m doing.”

“Towels are in the bathroom if you decide to shower. Otherwise, help yourself to whatever.” And he took one of the water bottles and left by himself. No guilt trips or power moves, just quiet acceptance of her decision. Jaz felt irrationally resentful of how empty the cabin was as soon as he left it.

oOo oOo oOo

Leaving like that without trying to coerce Jaz into joining him was difficult. Top thought about why that was while he was climbing the mountain. Why he needed her to let him help her. Whether he was letting his own needs - and, yes, desires - get in the way of putting her first. If this visit was really about helping Jaz work through the unresolved issues pressing upon her, he needed to figure that out. She deserved that.

oOo oOo oOo

Only a single light was on in the cabin when he returned. Jaz had purloined a pillow and curled up on the couch under an afghan. She probably had no idea she was literally wrapped up in his family history. The ninja must have been exhausted; Top stood there watching her slow, deep breaths for a few minutes. She only woke when he crossed the floor and put his water bottle down on the counter. 

Her voice floated from above the back of the couch, low and stuck in sleepy the way her unrushed mornings usually sounded. “Did you see the great thing you wanted to show me?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry - I’ll bring you there some other time.”

“‘Kay.”

Top moved into his bedroom to turn on his bedside lamp before returning to put out the light in the kitchen. A beat up copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was laying on his pillow. He glanced over at Jaz after dimming the lights. He might not have a plan in place, but it looked like the cardinal rule was still his best bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh. When you know where you wanna go, but need to set some things up to get there ::shrugs::


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fluffier Day 2 while Top, indie bookstores, and growing fandom joy work their magic.

There were no curtains on the windows in the bedroom; or anywhere else in the cabin, for that matter. The sun came up early and, while the light was indirect, it still flooded the room. Though Adam naturally rose with the sun, he knew for a solid fact that his guest did not. He also knew she would fall right back asleep if he woke her up getting coffee started. It would be worth it in the end. Decision made, Adam padded out to the kitchen and set a pot to brew.

Not even a peep. It was unlikely she had slept through someone else moving around a few feet away, especially given her unfamiliar surroundings. Adam stood in between the two counters while the coffee dripped, waiting for the first cup to be ready. They would probably need to go into Carlisle today, if only to get the supplies he needed for tonight. Could stock up on food for better meals than what he could cobble together from the current state of his kitchen. He started scratching out a list and left it on the counter.

Still no sound from the couch. Adam figured she wanted a chance to scope things out on her own. He took two mugs down off the shelves, filled one, and brought it back to bed.

oOo oOo oOo

Which was where Jaz found him three hours later, sitting up against the headboard with her book in hand. Instead of looking up right away, he finished his page and tried not to think about how cozy this was - why it felt different here than it did in Incirlik. “You could have woken me up.” Voice still rough; she must have fallen back asleep after he left the kitchen. “Nah.” Almost done with this page, too. “A friend gave me this book to read. Turns out once you get past the awkward intro, it’s pretty good.”

She was holding two mugs of coffee when he looked up. Wearing one of his t-shirts as a substitute for pajamas. Keeping it open to his page, Adam put the book face down next to him and scooted down the bed to reach for the second mug. “You already have one.” Jaz kept it out of reach.

“From a couple hours ago. Gimme.” She handed over the steaming mug, which he took back to his previous spot.

Adam gestured towards her with his phone as he waited for his refill to cool off. “Had to text McG to convince me to keep reading past the first chapter.”

“You told McG you’re reading Harry Potter!?”

“Yeah, well - he kept pestering me to read it. Figured he probably had a convincing argument all lined up. And he was maybe right.” What could possibly amp Jaz up more than a bit of friendly fandom competition with McGuire?

That made Jaz think about all the reasons why Top might be looking to be convinced to continue reading her book. “Sorry I was so mean yesterday.” Jaz sat down at the end of the bed and extended her right leg, knee bent, to press against the bureau on the opposite wall. “I was - tired and, not really feeling like me very much. I shouldn’t have taken your head off about a hike.”

The thing about Jaz was, as apt as she was to argue and fuss and insist that she was right, she was damn fine at apologizing. “Hmm. How ‘bout you make me breakfast and we’ll call it even?”

Even half-asleep, Jaz was still razor sharp. “I gave you the gift of magic.”

And she was back. “You did. I’ll cook, you finish waking up.” Jaz followed him out of the bedroom.

oOo oOo oOo

The half-package of bacon in the fridge was going to save the meal. There were only three eggs, which Top filled in with some chopped peppers and a tomato. He had installed Jaz on a stool at the end of the counter with the list he had started that morning while he cooked.

Top took in her shoulders in his tee, tried not to remember how long her legs had looked this morning. “Should add ‘pajamas’ to the list.”

Jaz gave him an exaggerated side-to-side gesture of consideration in response. “I don’t know. I kinda like the pjs I’ve got.” Took a nonchalant sip of coffee.

“No!” Top pointed the spatula in his hand at her in emphasis. “That will not be happening! I know you have plenty of Joe’s shirts, that’s fine. That’s fine, he doesn’t mind it.” Waved the spatula around a bit and then went back to the eggs. “Elijah never did get that hoodie back, though.”

“Top!”

“I’m just saying. You can buy your own sleep shirt at Target.” _And maybe some sleep shorts, too,_ he thought, but didn’t add. He plated the eggs, added generous heaps of bacon, and held hers just out of reach. “Put it on the list.” Top ramped it up when he wanted to play it down. The only way he was going to make this particular bit of sharing work.

Jaz laughed and pretended to scribble with a flourish; that sounded good. Top handed over breakfast. 

Coffee, bacon, and cinnamon rolls were added, too. “We can add ‘salad fixings’ and 'broccoli' to balance it out,” suggested Jaz. “Okay. But put down ‘marshmallows.’ For the fire,” was Top’s negotiation.

Jaz may have grinned like a sugar-crazy eight year old when she followed that order.

oOo oOo oOo

As she waited for Top to lock the door, Jaz looked back at the house. She saw some half-built structure, lumber still raw with a pile stacked to the side. Without going too far, she leaned to the side to get a better glimpse of it. “You building something?”

The keys jingling in his hand, Top headed for the car. “Yup. A bunkhouse.” Jaz swung into the car next to him looking fairly incredulous. “A bunkhouse!? For your...field hands?”

Starting down the access road threw the car against some rough patches in steep declining angles. Even a ninja had to grab ahold of the handle above the door. “No, you know, for friends. When they come to visit.” Top backed up in his logic. “I have friends who come out here, try to grab a slice of solitude. Some of them would prefer not to land on the couch.”

“Crazy. It’s a lovely couch.”

The laugh that surprised out of Top felt good; he always forgets how strangely Jaz showed her appreciation. How much he loved her offbeat humor.

“Be that as it may, I imagine it’s less lovely when you have several folks sleeping rough in a cabin designed for one.”

Jaz could believe it. That little detail, though - did Top really mean that? Would the cabin really never be home to two?

“So you’re building a bunkhouse.”

“I’m building a bunkhouse. Keeps me out of trouble.”

“Hmfph.” Jaz was less than convinced.

oOo oOo oOo

They stopped by the bookstore first. Adam set the tone as he shuffled over to a display of new fiction. “I’m gonna check out what’s new, then head over to staff picks. You good to browse a bit?” His hand was already reaching for a book with intriguing cover art.

“Yeah. I’ll be over in Young Adult,” she looked around to scope out the layout. A covert look between Adam and the older woman behind the counter was exchanged; she headed over to show Jaz around. Adam smiled at himself for arranging the connection to one of his favorite local spots.

Even though he didn’t want to rush her, an hour later Adam had thoroughly combed through the new fiction, staff picks, and several rows of suggested reads and Jaz still hadn’t returned to him. He decided to mosey over to the YA section; if he wanted to make his plans for their afternoon happen, they needed to get moving soon.

Jaz was sitting on the floor with a copy of the book she had handed over to him last night. “Hey, are you…? You can take yours back?”

Unlike their conversation earlier, she must have stopped mid-sentence at his voice. “Oh! No. I just - I wanted to catch up to you. Haven’t read them in a while and, I mean - McG? As your only literary companion?” She stood up with the short stack of books next to her. “This is too important for that.”

Top didn’t even try to hide his wide smile. Just walked over to the bookshelf nearby and selected the next two books in the series. Added them to his own stack.

“We good?”

And Jaz was in motion.

oOo oOo oOo

Target was not quite as leisurely. They went through the grocery section first, after a brief but passionate assurance from Jaz that “I’m just going to grab a few things” for herself afterwards. Top thought she was stalling and would have preferred to grab the meat and perishables on the way out. Pick your battles and all that, though. Besides, Top liked efficiency when the supplies were fairly routine.

And they were. A pair of jeans and a couple shorts, some ironic message tees. If the maroon one with Gryffindor across the chest looked suspiciously large for his ninja, he kept quiet about it. She walked right past the pjs with the cart and didn’t even flinch when something soft and cotton hit the back of her head. Slipped some panties and another bra in when she thought he wasn’t looking.

He took turns washing her clothes when they were deployed. They had stripped down in front of each other who knew how many times. It was the fact that she snuck them into the cart he couldn’t unsee.

Which made bringing her over to the swimsuits slightly more uncomfortable than it should have been. “There’s a river nearby. You should grab one.” She made a face and he worried she might think this was a re-opening of yesterday’s offer and her subsequent bad behavior. “It’s just,” he turned sideways, facing behind her. Spoke into her ear, “It’s the nicest spot on the mountain. My favorite place to be.” Offer up yourself when you want her to do the same.

Looking straight ahead. “Nicer than that hotel pool in Dubai?”

Adam pretended to compare the two. “It isn’t heated. There are fewer people around.”

Jaz couldn’t hold in a smirk. “That a plus or a negative, Top?”

He had her. “Just grab one.”

oOo oOo oOo

“We didn’t get any bug spray, did we?” The groceries were loaded into the mini-fridge, every inch stacked and packed. Everything else was being tucked into baskets and onto shelves.

“Nope.”

“You already have some?” He didn’t need to glance over at her to know which face she was sending his way. “It’s part of the experience. You gonna go change?”

The Target bags with her replacement mini-wardrobe was piled at the end of the couch. _Elijah would have called it her “Cabin Capsule Collection”,_ she thought. He also would have pressed her to get a skimpy bathing suit instead of the basic one piece she had purchased. Jaz rolled her eyes and brought it with her to the bathroom, leaving Top to pack a cooler bag with a few beers.

oOo oOo oOo

The trail to the river was short and mostly uphill. It felt good to work her legs. She wondered vaguely if she might be able to run somewhere nearby. She'd have to remember to ask. When they broke from the trees, the water rushed passed fast and clear. Even over the mesmerizing scene, Jaz sensed Top as he came up behind her, nodded upstream. “We’re going up there a ways.” She followed him again.

Turns out, there was a spot where the water had carved right over the granite of the mountain. The rock had been worn through to form the floor of some shallows off the rushing water. Top was unlacing his sneakers, bag and towels on the ground. “You coming in?”

By the time she had kicked off her own shoes to join him, Top was lounging against a natural dip in the stone. The water was cool, but the rock was warm under her feet. Jaz looked around to find a similar seat and settled in.

At first, Jaz took in each individual sound: a rustle in the bushes half a click downstream; a really earnest woodpecker. As she adjusted to the trickle of water over her toes and the heat began to sink into her back, the sounds began to connect into a single layer. Ambient noise, she thought they called it. Soothing enough to lull you to sleep…

Cold water splashed across her face. Without opening her eyes, Jaz admonished, “You did not just do that on purpose.” Silence. “There was some sort of mishap.”

Another rush of cold water landed and she opened her eyes to a devilish grin on her CO’s face. “I did not bring you here to nap.”

And just as she even thought about getting up to exact revenge, Top was moving, heading deeper into the water. She knew she was playing right into his plan; Jaz chased him anyway. Grabbed him from behind and got twisted under the water with him. Came up sputtering and shrieking.

Adam knew exactly what she sounded like when she was displeased. This wasn’t it.

He dunked her under the water one last time. “That’s for buying me that tee shirt before I even take a sorting quiz!”

Jaz was laughing so hard, he was starting to worry she might choke coming up for air. “I brought you. Magic!”

“Do you yield?”

That way she looked while still laughing and trying to conjure haughty outrage was his new favorite. He headed back to shore before she figured that out. “We speak to no one about it.”

Jaz just sat there and replied, “McG already wants pics.”

oOo oOo oOo

On the way back down, Adam thought about how well this had worked out. Doubling down on the Cardinal Rule of Jaz was a winning strategy, always was.

"Was that where you wanted to bring me last night?"

Carefully, "Uh, no. No, that's another favorite spot. We'll go there another time, though. Promise."

They were quiet the rest of the way back, but it was the good kind of quiet, Adam thought. The peaceful-in-your-body kind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding space: on the mountain, in bed, in the dark.
> 
> Angstier realities in this one, with lovely relaxing plans ahead...

The next morning, Adam repeats the morning before: wake with the sun, brew some coffee, grab their book from the kitchen. Only this time, Jaz wakes herself up enough to prop herself over the back of the couch and ask, “Can I go running today?”

Adam crosses to the counter along the back of the couch so he can see her scrunched up face. “When you can tolerate actual sunlight, sure.”

Jaz rubs her face and glares at him at the same time, trying to remember why she needed to ask him. “There’s no space here.”

“You’ve got an entire mountain, Jazzy. Just gotta go up sometimes. I’ll show you.”

She stumbles off the couch and comes around into the kitchen. Sometimes, he’s amazed how much she’s willing to let go in the mornings when she’s with them; wonders whether she forces herself awake when she’s on her own. Then she’s reaching past him for the coffee and he realizes she’s in his damn shirt again.

“Jaz.”

She’s still standing right there, not quite pressed up against him.

“I thought we talked about the shirt.”

“My pjs?”

“...are in your bags, still, apparently.”

“Hunh. Thought you bought those for you.” And she turned to head back to the couch. Adam gave an exaggerated sigh and picked up his own mug to sustain his return to Hogwarts for an hour or two.

oOo oOo oOo

After Jaz had properly eased into the world of the waking, she popped around the end of the divider of books. “Did you say something about showing me where to hike?”

“Yeah. You wanna head out?” Jaz nodded and grabbed some shorts and a tank top. They filled their water bottles, lathered up in sunscreen, and left the cabin.

They stayed out until nearly dusk, backtracking several times to take new paths, tracing the web of trails Adam favored. Several times they stopped so Top could sketch an aerial view of their path into the dirt for Jaz to make the connections. The buzz that usually filled Jaz’s body during a good hard run was softer here: a slower burn in her muscles, a steady backdrop to their conversation. Ambient noise.

Gloriously cool showers and a feast around the fire were the perfect denouement for the day. Today was about meeting Jaz’s demands and pushing her past them. Adam figured she felt differently about the space afforded her now. It might be shaped differently here, but there was plenty space all around them. Right now that space was lit with firelight and smelled of caramelized sugar.

oOo oOo oOo

They fell into a pattern after that. Adam would start coffee and read for a few hours in the morning giving Jaz a chance to join the living. Then he would hand off his book to her while he worked on the bunkhouse. Jaz found she liked hearing the work of the saw and the hammer. They went swimming as often as not in the afternoon. Other times Adam kept working while Jaz hiked the well-marked trails. She missed the openness and sometimes her body wanted the speed and mindlessness of running.

These woods demanded a sort of existential rumination. That was both good and bad, Jaz had decided pretty quickly. Elijah had been at least partially right about that.

oOo oOo oOo

The fourth day, it was still pretty dark when Adam woke up. He could smell coffee and when he peeked above a row of books to spy on the morning contents of the other room, he spies cinnamon rolls on the counter. Jaz is up.

Adam entered the kitchen slowly, unsurprised that Jaz is awake. Either she never fell asleep or she woke up in the dark pre-dawn. Either way, her insomnia was rearing its ugly head and he notes to himself that maybe she needs more than lounging around the cabin. He filled a mug and snags a short stack of cinnamon rolls before rounding the counter into the living room.

Jaz had stolen the second book of Harry Potter off his nightstand while he slept. Curled up on the couch, she looked almost caught up to him. “If you’re going to go all Carrie Mathieson on the series, you should have started with The Sorcerer’s Stone.”

Ah, she had been reading his margin notes about various theories. Adam kept his head down and offered, “I didn’t want to mark up your book.” Took another large bite.

After that, Jaz started offering addenda to his scribbles, suggesting additional evidence in conversations around the fire at night. This was the kind of magic Harry Potter brought them.

oOo oOo oOo

They worked out a trade: Top would ensure a supply of strong, hot coffee in the morning and cook breakfast when Jaz was ready to join him. She, in turn, would handle laundry duty. (Of course, Top was willing to pretend the deal was even, that Jaz wasn’t getting the better end of the bargain. A habit he did not plan on continuing once she was no longer on vacation…).

As Jaz worked on folding clothes out of the dryer, Adam picked up The Prisoner of Azkaban and thumbed through to the joker card serving as his bookmark. A throaty voice followed him from the utility closet. “I mean, the two of them can’t both be in DC just for sightseeing, right? There is no other possible conclusion here: They’re vying for her attention. McG just won’t admit it…”

Jaz rolled her eyes when she got no reply from Top. He didn’t find the drama around their analyst to be quite as amusing as she did. At least he hadn’t made any jokes about her going all girly and ga-ga over the love triangle. Because she hadn’t. She was just being a good bro.

“I wonder what the Deputy Director thinks…?”

Now that she thought might get a response. She poked her head out into the bedroom. Top was laying back against the pillows, pen between his teeth. That looked like a good afternoon.

Jaz grabbed the top book from the short stack she had added to one of the shelves, circled to the other side of the bed. She toed off her shoes and kicked them just under the bed. As Adam realized what she was doing, the story became words in front of his eyes.

“Can I have...one of those?” Jaz had almost asked for her pillow back, but rephrased just in time.

Adam made a bit of a show out of sitting forward and handing the top pillow over. Jaz rolled her eyes and walked back around the bed and out of the room. Adam was just thinking that was a bit disproportionate when she came back, thick throw pillows from the living room in her arms. She deposited one under the remaining bed pillow behind Adam before tossing the other next to him. Then she crawled over him instead of walking around the damn bed.

The coverlet folded at the end of the bed was a light weight when she pulled it over the two of them. “What are you doing?”

“Sharing,” she replied, voice not a bit droll. And then she snuggled down under the blanket with her own book, one of her neglected purchases from Pomfret Street. The cover involved a 3D block of text oozing a rainbow of colors. “You want a pen?” he asked, ready to grab one from his nightstand. “Oh. No, thanks. This one’s just mine.” Something about the casualness of her reasoning made Adam curious how many people she shared books with back and forth.

He was not jealous at all.

They lay like that for hours, propped up on pillows under a shared blanket. Adam could definitely see the appeal, even if he couldn’t imagine doing this all the time. He wondered if it would feel as rejuvenating and restful if he were on his own.

Adam turned his head sideways on his pillow to look at Jaz while he asked, “Why don’t we do this more often?” Everything was warm and soft and somehow both open and cocooned from the world.

“Because of your ridiculous love of the day star. And getting shit done, Sir.” She had said it mockingly, meant it as a joke, he knew. That offbeat humor he usually indulged. But the reference to his rank dropped like a pit in his stomach. COs couldn’t snuggle up in bed for daytime reading - daytime _anything_ \- with their subordinates. They couldn’t do this back in Turkey. Shouldn’t be doing it now.

That awful thought stuck with him. Jaz stretched and rolled onto her stomach, yanking the throw pillow out of the way and wrapping her arms around the fluffy down pillow. She rubbed her face into it and shared her plan, “I’m gonna take a nap, kay?”

Guilt and unrelenting longing for simpleness they didn’t have thrummed through him. “Okay.”

oOo oOo oOo

At some point while she slept, Jaz scooted over to snuggle into his side. The debate in his head about how to both prolong the intimacy and de-escalate what he knew they couldn’t continue was shut down pretty quickly. The cabin was the one place Top got to be Adam. Not without restraints or without the rules of service, but still the only home he had ever had. Bringing Jaz here was an extension of that; for her.

So he cuddled her up against him for a full chapter. Made sure to savor the words as slowly as he could justify to himself. Then he kissed the top of her head and slid out from underneath her hold. Adam watched her pull his pillow into the space he had left and tried to tell himself he was just following the rule, inflating the risk to make sure Jaz didn’t fall back.

oOo oOo oOo

Less than a week into Jaz’s visit, they still haven’t talked about her panic attack. She hasn’t had another one, which gives Adam no small amount of relief. He had worried they might signal some deeper distress, a problem he had somehow missed with his sniper. But he liked the rhythm they had going too much. And if that wasn’t just all kinds of stupidly self-centered, he knew - he _knew_ he was asking for trouble.

oOo oOo oOo

Maybe it was the lingering guilt of not risking her wrath that had him dreaming about her that night. Maybe it was his thigh and his belly and his chest and his arm holding onto the feel of her against him in bed. The worst dreams were the ones that half-woke him in their grip; nightmares that just wouldn’t let him go. Didn’t mean he was thankful when he woke fully himself, remembering the gut-wrenching scenes his night-dark mind put before him. Like Jaz, held in Tehran. The backs of a dozen vans empty, the team unable to locate her transport. They found her in one and she wouldn’t move. The van he was in pulling away as she said, too softly, “There’s no space here.”

His awful, masochistic self seemed hell-bent on misremembering his greatest fears of that day. Adam sat up, forced himself to the edge of the bed. Focused on breathing. Started counting prime numbers. Preach currently held the record; maybe he’d break it tonight.

He was only at 137 when a hopeful half-formed thought rose through the vague calm of numbers: <em>Jaz</em> was here. He could see for himself that she was here, that she’d found space. Adam was standing before he made the conscious decision to act, padding out through the kitchen in the dark. He would just take a peek, just look at her breathing in and out and not wearing anything white. (Or bloody).

oOo oOo oOo

Awakening might be decadently slow when she could afford it, still Jaz was highly trained to stay alive. Instincts woke her in the dark to a man standing above her and she flipped onto her back, ready to rise in self-defense before she realized who it was. Where she was.

“Jesus fuck, Top!”

He was just...standing there. Breathing a bit heavy.

She sat up a bit. “You alright?” He was not alright, she could see that even with only a slight bit of moonlight trickling through from outside. “Top?”

“No, I - it’s okay. I was just dreaming...and…”

The whoosh of the blanket and Jaz's bare legs against the sheets seemed unreasonably loud to Top's ears. She patted the couch to her right. 

“How high did you get?”

“137.”

“That’s not very high.” He had stopped counting to come check on her himself. Try to trick his brain into overwriting the false memories. She had done it constantly to McG when he was almost taken out protecting her overwatch once during her first tour with the team. McG had finally just opened his blankets and let her crawl in with him to sleep.

Jaz leaned into Adam’s side, pulled his arm around her. “You wanna move back to your bed? I can come with if you want?”

“No.” He squeezed her middle. “No, I’m not going back to sleep. Can I just sit here?”

“Of course.” Jaz knew how that went. She pulled up to reach for the afghan at the end of the bed; his arm tightened around her too quickly for her to get far. “Hey. Hey there. Just grabbing the blanket, okay?” The feel of her arm snaking across his stomach brought him back. “Sorry.” He knew he didn’t need to apologize - every one of them knew what it was like to wait out the adrenaline from the nightmares. Where Jaz’s brain craved evidence to combat her dream logic, Top fell back on rules of polite society and service. They both knew the drill.

“Nah. Just wanna get cozy, you know?” He thought she would fall back asleep, but she didn’t. Just curled her legs up and sat there with him, leaning against the back of the couch. Not talking, or even really thinking much. Just in that meditative not-asleep state one held on watch.

When it was bright enough to justify moving into the day, Adam got up and made coffee. Jaz took a shower while waiting for the pot to fill. He figured he owed her an easy day today. Maybe owed himself, too. Knew Jaz would be happy to indulge him a bit if he asked.

Good thing he had a day like this planned for when they needed it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it wasn't just Jaz who needed her to figure out a home space.

Jaz was watching him like a hawk. A firm hand on his hip and then the back of his shoulder suggested he take a seat at the end of the counter. Adam propped his head up as Jaz put bacon on to fry. She did this in Incirlik, too, when he had a restless night. They all had them and they all had their own ways of coping the next day. A sort of personal topography of sleep deprivation, warped memories, and distractions. If he was going to manage today, he was going to need less of Jaz’s eyes glances off his body so he didn’t keep seeing her in the back of that awful van, pulling away. He needed to know she had space here.

So. Less careful watching, maybe more caffeine, and a bit of vicarious retail therapy.

“I have a favor to ask,” Adam shared. He wasn’t too tired to pitch it mid-way between casual and a plea. Jaz took his mug, refilled it and brought it over to him. She leaned across the counter. Top had no doubt she knew this was a set-up. Didn’t matter - it would still work. She could be generous sometimes, especially when she was on this particular type of overwatch.

“Bunkhouse is almost done. It’ll take me a few days to lay the floors, seal everything.” Jaz listened, not sure she understood where this was going. Was he going to ask her to move out there? Take back the couch for himself? She wandered back to the stove top to flip the bacon. It took some effort to keep her mind open enough to keep listening through the rumble of panic beginning in her belly and down her fingertips.

“I’ve been so focused on the building - getting the structure squared away - I haven’t figured out the rest.”

Okay. Not what she was expecting. The instinct to run further than across the half-wild yard retreated to the back of Jaz’s mind, back to where it usually lived. She finished fussing with the fry pan and turned back to Top.

“You mean like sheets? Pillows?”

“Sheets, pillows. Lights? Stuff for the bathroom.”

She grinned. “You don’t want to share your shampoo, Top?”

Adam arranged his face into the features of command: Eyes direct and pointed, mouth neutral yet firm, eyebrows slightly raised.

“You promised.”

“Not to tell anyone. Never said I wouldn’t share the spa-like comforts you indulge here in your mountain retreat…”

Grin firmly in place, she dipped further into the galley to grab some eggs and took a few plates down off the shelves. Plating the bacon, she added, “People should be able to charge their phones in their bunks. Choosing between plugging it in somewhere else and taking it to bed would suck. And they should have their own lights. You know, for reading.”

He had her. After breakfast, they would lounge around and shop and dream up a guest haven.

oOo oOo oOo

An hour later, Jaz sat cross-legged on the soft recliner, laptop open. “I think I’ve figured out the feel of the bunkhouse.” She had been combing through pinterest and compiling something she called a “mood board.” Adam wasn’t sure what that was, but if it helped with organizing Jaz’s moods, he should figure it out. He had asked to see it, only to have Jaz tell him it wasn’t ready. Now she thought she had the “feel” she wanted.

Adam was trying to convince himself not to use this as any kind of reconnaissance on Jaz’s Thoughts About Home. He focused on giving the kitchen a thorough cleaning, keeping his hands busy and himself up on his feet.

“How can you have a ‘feel’ for it - you haven’t even seen the bunkhouse.”

Jaz paused, looked up. “That’s a valid point.”

Adam tossed the dishrag onto the counter and unplugged the drain in the sink. “Let’s go, then.” Jaz quickly put aside her electric portal to some ideal coziness and joined him for the real deal.

oOo oOo oOo

The bunkhouse was behind the cabin, tucked snug against the mountain. Adam had cleared the brush along an intermediary stretch. As they walked over, the regrowth tickled their legs along the edges. Jaz said, “You could put down those tiny rocks.”

“Some gravel?”

Jaz nodded. “Make a path. It would be...inviting. Keep your guests connected to you.”

He didn’t say anything about his current guest and their connection. After last night, he knew he couldn’t trust his mouth, not today. The fact that she was thinking about it, making suggestions like this to make sure his place brought people together? He definitely couldn’t speak on that without betraying more than he probably should.

They stepped inside and Top continued through the opening to the left, walking to the opposite corner of the small room. Three large platforms were built into the center wall; they would be full-size bunks when the mattresses were added.

“It smells good.” Jaz was quiet and still, standing in the open doorway.

Her reaction brought a smile to Adam’s face. “The wood? Yeah.” He motioned her to join him and, as she came around the beds, she stretched on tiptoe to peer inside the middle level. There was a large single-pane window along the wall perpendicular to the bunks. Jaz crossed over to join Adam and he pointed over her shoulder down mountain. “Over that ridge there? That’s where the state road curves round, the one that brings us into Carlisle.”

“It’s close!” Somehow, seeing that link to the rest of the world from inside Adam’s home felt unsettling.

“Eh, not really. Just looks like it from up here.” Jaz wasn’t sure she wanted to think about that. Fortunately, it wasn’t difficult to recenter her focus elsewhere.

“It’s a beautiful view.” She imagined what it would look like in autumn, the trees painted a thousand golds and reds and oranges. How crisp the air would be.

“Hmm.” Adam seemed to agree. He was still standing so close, close enough for Jaz to shift a half-step back and lean into his chest. There was a quick, but aborted movement at her side and Jaz noticed, of course she noticed. She took his forearm in hand, wrapped it where she thought he had wanted it to be. “Your guests are lucky.”

Adam gave her a squeeze. “Thank you.” A deep breath against whatever thoughts he was keeping at bay and then he stepped back to walk over to the beds. There was a crinkle as he lifted a large sheet of paper. Jaz joined him and saw they were building plans.

“Bathroom’s tucked back there,” he pointed behind the wall the bunks were built into, then tapped the corresponding section of the drafted plans. The bunks looked to fit queen mattresses, with a bit of space at the end. The design was difficult to read. Looking into the structure in front of them, Jaz saw a raised platform at the end of the bunk. “For McG’s feet?”

“Unfortunately.”

Top continued showing her around for a while, impressing her with his decisions for a clean, modern look despite the rustic location. He tried not to imagine her making the decisions with him out of any kind of shared pride. This was his retreat, not an investment on a future he would not have. When she ran her hand over the poured concrete sink surround, Adam swore he could feel the textured rasp himself.

oOo oOo oOo

As much as Jaz tries to downplay it, he knows she loves pulling together the finishing touches. Every click on the laptop is another addition to the coziness she’s laying down for his guests. And this? Jaz talking about making her mark on his place, being excited about rugs and natural wood tones and some kind of take-one-leave-one mini-library? It was grounding in a way he probably didn’t deserve. Dream Jaz might have believed she had no space, but this was the real Jaz - here, with him, making sure there was one more welcoming spot in their world. She was having fun with it and he was all too happy to hand over his credit card and the PO box in town for packages to arrive.

(Jaz may or may not have pulled out her phone and tucked that intel away for safekeeping.)

By the time the sun was high in the sky, Jaz had slowed down on all the clicking and clacking and spending of his money. He had asked after her “mood board” again and she had snapped the computer lid shut so fast. He wasn't sure her scandalized response was faked for his amusement. “You don’t want to spoil the big reveal. Do you?”

The right answer to that was definitely no. Sitting around while she online shopped had lulled his body back to a sleepy state. “Feel up for a swim? We could bring lunch with us.”

Jaz cocked her head and asked, “Like - a picnic?”

Top’s ears got red, just like when he tried to pretend he was training Patton or when he set up a sat link on McG’s birthday for his mom. Thought picnics were sappy, did he? Jaz couldn’t resist teasing him.

“You know what? That’s a good color on you. Those ears? They could match your swim trunks if you grab the old faded red ones…”

He flipped her off as he moved into the bedroom to find his newer pair. Jaz started making sandwiches while she waited her turn for the bathroom. Maybe she could even get him to take a nap in the sun while they were up at the stream...

oOo oOo oOo

This was exactly what he had needed. Sure, they went swimming most days these past few weeks. Something about letting the water rush over him with Jaz sprawled across the way from him with nowhere they needed to be reminded him that this kind of relaxation was possible. He could let it seep all the way down into his bones and store it up for the months ahead. Xander thought it had something to do with living only in the moment when his sleep-infested brain was trying to parse too many possible alternatives.

Adam was resting his eyes, the sun warm on his face and his neck and his chest when Jaz asked him, “So who’s going to be first?” He squinted an eye open at her. “In the bunkhouse.”

All this sun was making him feel syrupy and slow. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“I think we should invite the team.”

 _We._ She said _we_ like they could invite them together. Like this was hers now, too.

“I think you might be onto something, Jazzy.”

“You could ask McG and Amir to come out while I’m still here.”

Adam closed his eyes again. Maybe if he didn’t respond, they could just continue to be right here. He wouldn't have to think about Jaz thinking about leaving.

She continued. “Of course, we should invite Hannah if we ask them to come visit.”

Oh really?

“Give her and Amir an excuse to have a vacation together.” _Get Amir to fess up to McG, finally, too,_ she thought.

Adam was still quiet. She wondered if he had fallen asleep? Stealthy as she could, she slid up out of the water until she was standing on the smooth rock underneath the lazy water. Sneaking onto the shore would be good practice; water was deceptively tricky to manage, dripping down her in tiny trinkling sounds and setting off ripples against his skin. Slowly. So slowly, she made her way past him. She placed one bare foot on the bank above Top’s shoulder. The grass had just finished crumpling under foot when his hand shot out and circled her ankle.

Later, she would explain away the sharp squeal she let out as being due to the magic of Adam’s mountain. The lushness of his swimming hole had lulled her into a false sense of tranquility. She almost fell jerking her foot back and oh God, he couldn’t help it. Adam was laughing loud and full and uncontrollably. When was the last time he had made her actually shriek in surprise?

“I’m sorry,” he wheezed. “So close, Jazzy. That was,” he broke off into laughter again. Might even be considered giggles at this point.

Jaz just righted herself up onto the bank and settled into a crouch. “Fucking Christ, Top! This is supposed to be relaxing!” Absently, she rubbed her ankle where he had held her through her shock. “This is how you relax!?”

That set him off again. “You were sneaking!”

“I was very carefully not waking you up!” She stood and walked over to their bag, grabbed their sandwiches to bring back over to the water. “I was going to say you could go back to your nap,” she grumbled a bit, handing over his lunch. "Don't know if you deserve it now. Ape."

Adam bit off more than he should be able to chew. Jaz gave him an exaggerated wide berth and she climbed back into the shallow water with her own lunch. After swallowing, he threw out, “I wasn’t napping. Need to sleep tonight.”

Across the little inlet, Jaz nodded. She made a mental note to come back to that later when she could do her best to make sure he did.

oOo oOo oOo

The strange hum of false energy that came with being overly tired descended upon the cabin in the early evening. Too restless to read, too tired to translate finishing plans through power tools, Adam grabbed a pack of cards and suggested an early fire. Exhaustion would have evened the odds for poker more in Jaz’s favor if she hadn’t also spent much of the night awake. Still, the two played and let the fire die as the sun went down.

Jaz thought Top might insist on staying up later, closer to his usual time for turning in. The light had barely darkened enough to melt their shadows when he covered the dying embers with dirt and announced he was heading to bed. She followed him inside.

Their nightly routines completed, Jaz appeared in the entry to the bedroom. She had been thinking about the best way to make this happen, everything from asking to just...crawling into bed. “I’m sleeping in here tonight.” Not a word, just Adam’s eyes finding hers in the near-dark. She had decided to fall back on their dry humor; Jaz hadn’t counted on the mix of grateful and affection and terrible reluctance on Adam’s face hitting her quite this hard. “This is not about you,” she added as she rounded the bed, sounding every bit like she was scolding McG for being a sore loser after a round of Mario Cart or warding off Preach when he criticized her choice of sugary self-soothing post-mission.

“How is this not about me? You’re in my bed.”

“Shut up. The couch is killing my back.”

“You said it was lovely.”

“I was being grateful,” her rejoinder a bit pointed.

“Oh. Didn’t really know you had that skill…”

She curled up on her side facing out. She thought he was catching on, letting the banter wash away the awkwardness that could have bound them to lying awake together. A moment of quiet passed in the dark, then two. “You want me to go?”

“No. I’m good if you’re good.”

She just hummed into her pillow. By the time she turned back towards him, Adam was already asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The push and pull of growing awareness.  
> And sleep cuddling. Lots of sleep cuddling.

Adam woke to heat. He went to move away from it, roll onto a cool patch of sheets. Instead he only became further ensnared. Persistent snuggles wrapped around him and suggested he open his eyes.

Yep. That was Jaz.

“You ‘wake?” Her voice didn’t sound like it wanted to be used. Adam tried to see if her eyes were still closed, but she had buried her face in his chest. A strong, smooth thigh lay between his own. Her hands were tucked between them against his side. With his body awake enough to register all these points of contact, Adam was now stuck having to make a decision. Staying there couldn’t be anything other than a choice. Was a morning spent cuddling in bed with his sniper respectable under any circumstances? Would she even choose this if she weren’t half-asleep? Or coming off a day taking care of him? Now there was a terrible thought.

 _Or looking for some sort of loving authority figure,_ a voice that sounded like Xander’s asked in the back of his mind. That question sent memories flashing through his head of Jaz practically passed out on the sticky, godawful ground of that New York alley.

Adam was not prepared to deal with this. Not here, with her pressed up against him, soft and sweeter than she ever let herself be. Hand gliding down to hold Jaz’s hip to keep her from following him, Adam rolled up and climbed down the foot of the bed. Jaz wasted no time grabbing his vacated spot and replacing his weight at her side with his pillow.

There really was no choice here at all. Couldn’t be. He knew that.

oOo oOo oOo

When Jaz emerged from the bedroom, she found a note propped up next to the nearly full coffee pot.

_Laying floors. Don’t read ahead; it’s still my turn._

Pfft. Jaz put down her mug to climb up onto the counter. She bet he would have moved it...up onto a top shelf...somewhere...there! Book in hand, she climbed back down and brought it into the living room, mug of coffee in hand. It’s not like this was even cheating; she had already read the book, the entire series, before him. Besides, Adam gave up his turn when he moved out to the bunkhouse so early. Maybe they could compare theories about whether the Marauder Map was always honest or whether its originators’ prankster tendencies had been spelled into it over lunch.

oOo oOo oOo

Noon came and went. Jaz pulled out cold cuts and found herself wondering if she should make one sandwich or two.

Then it was one o’clock. Then two. Still no Adam.

Jaz had finished rereading the Prisoner of Azkaban and didn’t want to start Book Four. What should have been another languid afternoon became a fit of indecision and Jaz was trying to figure out how that had even happened. She was decisive; they had spent the two weeks she had been here enjoying a fair bit of lazy routine. She could just walk over there and ask him if he wanted something to eat. (Or some company).

Unless - this was his way of getting a breather from her. She wasn’t what she would consider awake-awake when he got out of bed this morning. All things considered, though, she had a lifetime of training in how to be aware of what was going on. His first instinct had been to shift away from her, to hold her back while he got out of bed. Maybe she had overstepped the generous bounds he provided her here.

This was ridiculous. She ran through the What Would Her Guys Do exercise. It always provided some perspective when she needed it. Amir might be agnostic on this one. He wasn’t one to make more of something than necessary. Was making sure Adam felt like he could come get lunch in his own home really necessary? Preach would probably tell her to talk about her indecision, her feelings, and maybe bring a sandwich to give Adam a reason to keep his mouth shut for stretches while she got honest. McG would definitely be teasing her, not just about lunch, but getting her act together and fessing up to All The Things.

And Adam. Adam was always saying how she could tell him anything. Which probably meant she could tell him she wasn’t sure if he wanted lunch without it being half as big a deal as she was making it. Fucking A. Invoking the WWHGD question and everything, she thought as she assembled a second sandwich.

The entire walk over, Jaz berated herself for overthinking. Making Adam lunch, bringing it over unannounced, is exactly what she would have done any one of these days without giving it a second thought. She’s just about finished her internal pep talk as she walks in the door. The sight that greeted her undoes every word.

Adam was bent over at the waist, facing the windows opposite the door. Something was happening with his hands on the flooring, but that wasn’t where Jaz was looking. No, she was concentrating on the way his fine, toned behind stretched the worn denim covering his firm cheeks.

This is not like any other day. Now she knows how that delicious rounded muscle feels pressed up against her. Knows she’s ogling and doesn’t even bother to reign it in. When would she have ever done that? She had been meticulously guarded every day of their deployments - and every time their paths crossed in between. Here she was looking like he was hers to admire. Like she was allowed to look. And even the awareness of that fact didn’t stop her from continuing to appreciate the sight in front of her.

That niggling feeling of being watched: a tingle on the back of the neck, the sudden significance of peripheral vision. It had saved Adam’s life more than once. This time...this time it damn near killed him.

Jaz was ogling him. He caught that slightly glazed look in her eyes as he stood, the tell-tale appreciation around her eyes, her mouth slightly open. And then he caught her looking everywhere but at him once he had turned to face her. She knew she’d been caught.

There was no need for this to get awkward - he was actually surprised, given their easy chemistry, that it hadn’t happened more often. Lord knew he tried not to do his share, but that was different. At least, he thought it was. He was her CO, he wasn’t allowed to look. Didn’t exactly mind if she did. In fact, it helped confirm a few things.

Which was exactly what had Jaz fidgeting with a plate in hand, he was sure.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was working straight through. I just, I want to get the whole floor done so I can seal it up and we can get down to business. You know, your big reveal.” The only way he could think to possibly demonstrate how very okay it was for her to have shown that part of herself was to start throwing his own sincerity around, too.

Jaz nodded, not looking at him. The dual meaning that was entirely unintended still added to Jaz’s fluster at getting caught out. Pretending to check the progress of the floor, she added, “You’ve still got a long way to go. Better get back to it.”

“Wait - that for me?” Jaz remembered the lunch in hand, the original culprit for being off her game today. She nodded.

Adam walked over to stand in front of her, took the sandwich off the plate. “Thank you. For thinking of me.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s a sandwich.”

“Jazzy -”

But she was already turning away. “I’m gonna head out. Take a hike,” she threw over her shoulder. While she didn’t exactly flee the bunkhouse, Jaz still felt like she was running away.

oOo oOo oOo

There’s a light on in the living room when Adam headed in that night. He lost the light a while ago, careful progress guided with a couple lanterns. It was neither ideal nor necessary. Really, he was still trying to figure himself out. Looking at the angles, trying to decide whether he could justify what he wanted. Gauge just how selfish that would be.

Jaz was curled up on the couch with a book, leaning back against the arm facing the door.

“Thought that was doing evil things to your back?” She looked up and he knew immediately from her measured movements that she had been anticipating his return.

“Only when I try to lay on it for eight hours straight.”

“Eight? You get at least ten solid hours of restful slumber in this fresh mountain air. Lounge around for another few most days.” She barely rolled her eyes at his ribbing. Crap. She really was watching to see what his move would be. For some reason, that felt like a step backwards to Adam.

He headed for the box of protein bars above the fridge. “You didn’t have to wait up for me.”

“I didn’t.”

Adam knew Jaz when she was lying. He backed out of the open room.

“Okay. I’m gonna shower. You coming to bed?”

“Yeah.” It might have been a one-word response, but her reply sounded more open and steady. Rested on the confidence of a Jaz who knew her place. Good.

oOo oOo oOo

She was in bed already when Adam came out from his shower. The light on the nightstand on her side of the bed was on, illuminating the pages of the book she’d brought with her. Instead of looking up at him as he climbed up his side, she reached over and turned it off.

“You don’t have to - you can keep reading, if you want.”

“Can we just go to sleep, please?”

He didn’t like how desperate she sounded for this day to be over. Adam guessed he could understand it, though.

“Yeah, we can do that.”

Tomorrow. Tomorrow they would work on getting back to their normal, cabin versions of themselves.

oOo oOo oOo

It wasn’t a night terror that woke him. Adam knew something had pulled him back to his senses, though, and immediately looked to his right.

Jaz lay on her side, facing the windows and the mountain around them. Her knees were tucked up near her chin. The full bed didn’t give them much space, but Adam felt the few inches between them like a chasm. Tt was raining, hard. Maybe that was what woke him - not the lack of friendly weight against his side. An early summer storm.

Frankly, his bladder didn’t seem to care what the source had been. Adam sat up, moving carefully to the thin strip of space between the bed and the bookcase. He padded on soft feet to the bathroom.

Jaz was sitting up when he opened the door again, eyes closed, propped up against the headboard.

“Storm wake you?” He asked as he crawled back into bed next to her.

“No?” Ah, not really awake then. “You have a nightmare again?”

Adam couldn’t help the flood of gratitude and warmth at that. “No. No, I’m good.” He laid down, hoping Jaz was awake enough to follow suit, but maybe, maybe just sleepy enough still to do that thing where she snuggled right up into him. He could blame how much he wanted that on his own half-awake state, right?

It took her a minute to realize they weren’t staying up, she could go back to sleep. And then she was sliding down from her upright position to lay back against her pillow. Seconds passed and she made no further moves, no shifting over to Adam, no wrapping around him.

The she turned onto her right side and faced the mountain again. So Adam closed the inches between them and lined his body up behind hers. Wound his arm around her middle.

“This okay?” Adam didn’t want to move back, but he could. If she needed him to, he would.

“Yeah. s’good.”

He rubbed his face into the hair pooling between them, stopped just shy of nuzzling her neck. On the edge of sleep, he almost missed her mumbled, “Didn’t think you wanted to.” If they were more awake, he would have recognized that as a red flag, one he could take action on, move things forward; if she were more awake, she wouldn’t have said it. But it was pouring down on the roof of their cabin and they were wrapped up together and he was left trying to encode a reminder for himself: he needed to think about this more carefully when he woke. Needed to make some decisions. Soon.


	7. (teaser)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not the full next chapter. Apologies, cause that's kinda mean. But Sydbond requested immediate access when a certain shirt - which was *surely* going to ride up at some point, right? - appeared and the scene was available for consumption.
> 
> So: short teaser now, rest of the chapter to follow in a few days.

This time it’s Adam who had wrapped himself around her in his sleep. Not that Jaz minded. It was raining and a bit chilly for an early summer morning. Her belly pressed into the bed and Adam’s belly pressed into her where he was draped half across her back. Her sleep shirt, previously under Adam’s ownership, had ridden up at some point. If Adam’s arm lined the skin along her side, following her ribs where it wrapped around her, she certainly wasn’t going to ask him to move. She just let herself float back to sleep knowing some part of him wanted to hold her safe.

She dozed in and out. The next thought she had, when she woke enough to make sense of the warmth of him, was that certain parts of him seemed more interested in her than others. Jaz wasn’t going to complain about that, either; she maybe couldn’t help pushing back against him, just a bit, though. A sleepy testing of that fantasy of really waking up in Adam’s bed. The one that had been brought to some aching half-life by recent adventures in sleeping arrangements.

“Jaz. Stop squirming.” Rough, right into her ear.

If she froze sniper still, he’d think something was wrong. Jaz went loose and made herself pliant under Adam. Which really wasn’t that hard. (Well - difficult. And apparently Jaz was awake enough now to crack up at her own mental wordplay…). 

He hadn’t moved; good. Meant he was likely still gathering intel on what to do about the situation. Jaz mumbled into her pillow, “It’s raining. We should just...stay here.”

“Mmm.” That particular inflection sounded like Adam when he wanted to agree to a plan, yet wasn’t sure it was going to yield the kind of results the team wanted. Jaz completely agreed with the sentiment. Still mostly sleepy and entirely warmed by certain attention, she tried to just be glad he wasn’t being more skittish. She was so sure he would be.

Behind her, the weight of Adam lessened as he rearranged himself. The hair on his arm tickled as he recalled it back to the rest of him. Slightly apart from her now, but still staying close, Adam pulled up the blanket where it lay around their waists. Jaz moved slowly until she was lying on her back. Reminding herself not to appear as if fully awake, or to actually wake up too much, she peered up from heavy eyelids. Adam’s face was still close. Eyes closed, lips slightly parted and every muscle slack.

Well shoot. If Adam was going back to sleep, then so was she.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Managing space, and home, and bodies takes a toll. The green eyed monster - quite literally - comes to visit.

This time it’s Adam who had wrapped himself around her in his sleep. Not that Jaz minded. It was raining and a bit chilly for an early summer morning. Her belly pressed into the bed and Adam’s belly pressed into her where he was draped half across her back. Her sleep shirt, previously under Adam’s ownership, had ridden up at some point. If Adam’s arm lined the skin along her side, following her ribs where it wrapped around her, she certainly wasn’t going to ask him to move. She just let herself float back to sleep knowing some part of him wanted to hold her safe.

She dozed in and out. The next thought she had, when she woke enough to make sense of the warmth of him, was that certain parts of him seemed more interested in her than others. Jaz wasn’t going to complain about that, either; she maybe couldn’t help pushing back against him, just a bit, though. A sleepy testing of that fantasy of really waking up in Adam’s bed, the one that had been brought to some aching half-life by recent adventures in sleeping arrangements.

“Jaz. Stop squirming.”

If she froze sniper still, he’d think something was wrong. Jaz went loose and made herself pliant under Adam. Which really wasn’t that hard. (Well - difficult. And apparently Jaz was awake enough now to crack up at her own mental wordplay…).

He hadn’t moved; good. Meant he was likely still gathering intel on what to do about the situation. Jaz mumbled into her pillow, “It’s raining. We should just...stay here.”

“Mmm.” That particular inflection sounded like Adam when he wanted to agree to a plan, yet wasn’t sure it was going to yield the kind of results the team wanted. Jaz completely agreed with the sentiment. Still mostly sleepy and entirely warmed up by certain attention, she tried to just be glad he wasn’t being more skittish. She was so sure he would be.

Behind her, the weight of Adam pulled back as he rearranged himself. The hair on his arm tickled as he recalled it back to the rest of him. Slightly apart from her now, but still staying close, Adam pulled up the blanket where it lay around their waists. Jaz moved slowly until she was lying on her back. Reminding herself not to appear as if fully awake, or to actually wake up too much, she peered up from heavy eyelids. Adam’s face was still close. Eyes closed, lips slightly parted and every muscle slack.

Well shoot. If Adam was going back to sleep, then so was she.

oOo oOo oOo

Jaz was still under the blanket on her back when she woke a third and final time. Her body wasn’t trying to convince her to fall back asleep, so she guessed it was at least nine. Maybe even later. The light was still darkened by the steady rain, which made it difficult to tell. Everything out the windows was wet and green and seemed sleepy, too. Even with this feeling like they were cocooned inside, Jaz was surprised that Adam was still in bed. Head on his own pillow now, he was still close enough to see those ridiculously long eyelashes fighting the decision to open.

She had woken up before him! And - without any reason or alarms or anything! Barely, but it was enough to tickle her competitive streak. “Well look who decided to join the living.”

The look he sent her was one part mean rebuke, one part wounded, and all parts full of jest. She could tell because his lower lip was full and sticking out a bit; Adam never pouted, not for real. The returning grin on her face knew it. He rearranged his right arm under his pillow and propped his head up as he snuggled into the bed, eyes closing once again. “I love rainy days.”

That wasn’t something she knew. Then again, when had they ever had a rainy day together like this? “How far did you get rereading Book Three? Cause, you could give me your profile. Of Sirius.” His voice was boyish enough and rough enough to suggest he was halfway headed back to sleep. Yet there he was, trying to come up with reasons to keep her right there. Jaz was trying not to think about how much she could get used to this, but the thought was there, omnipresent in her loose muscles and skin against soft sheets. She didn’t want to think about giving this up.

Instead, she thought about ways to distract Adam from figuring out her train of thought. “Hmm, you’d just fall asleep before I got to the good stuff, anyway. That’s okay - I got plans for today.”

Adam forced heavy eyelids to open a bit. “What are you doin’, Jazzy?”

“Nothing.” She sat and kneeled to reach over and make sure the blankets stayed cozy around the bed’s other occupant. “Just thought we could do a bit of role reversal, is all.” Jaz got up and was across the room in the opening between the bookcase and the wall when she heard him. From the bed where he stayed, still ready for more sleep, Adam mumbled after her. “Cheated, didn’t you? Left a damn note.”

Jaz just brought her smile with her to make breakfast.

oOo oOo oOo

Adam woke from his light doze to the smell of coffee and cinnamon. He waited until the sounds of kitchen type things died down and he no longer saw snippets of his sniper going back and forth in the galley through the slits of the bookcase. When he walked out of the bedroom, Jaz was sitting on the stool at the end of the counter, licking icing off her fingers.

He grabbed his own cinnamon bun and brought another over to her plate.

“You’re not having coffee? I made enough - and it’s the crazy strong kind you like.” Jaz stirred the milk cutting her own mug in emphasis.

“Nah. Thought this ‘role reversal’ might mean I get to be lazy today.”

“I am not lazy! I am on vacation.” Adam couldn’t help softening at that. Jaz was defending her right to be at home here. He couldn’t argue against that, now could he?

She watched Adam as they ate their sugary breakfast. When he had finished a second and she was on a another cup of coffee, she was convinced this whole “lazy” thing could go her way. “We should play cards.”

Jaz thought she was being all smooth, like she had a chance to finally trounce him. One long, very bare leg pulled oh so casually up onto the stool, arm wrapping around it while she sipped. She wasn’t even looking, so why did he feel caught out when his eyes immediately traced it?

“Jaz. You own pajama pants. I bought them for you - on a lovely little shopping excursion in Carlisle.”

Now she knew she had him, whether he was just playing along or not. She nodded around her last sip. “I’ll wear them. If you win. Five card draw, no wilds.” There were always wilds; she just didn’t think they’d need any help making their case today. “You win, I’ll wear the damn pajamas.” She said nothing about giving back the shirt, but she didn’t think he would notice. Or, if he did, he might not be complaining. “If I win,” she pretended to think about it.

Adam was definitely playing along. “What do you want, Jaz?”

Jaz had nonchalance for days. “You wear em.”

That was definitely a lazy grin, she thought. It looked good on his face.

oOo oOo oOo

They relocated a few feet into the living room. Adam sat on the couch with Jaz almost across from him in the easy chair. One of the stools was dragged between them as a makeshift table. As Jaz shuffled, Adam leaned back against the cushions. “You remember the first time we played?”

Elijah had insisted she join them, let herself become one of the guys. “You all kept letting me win.”

“You loved it.”

“Did not. Where’s the satisfaction in that?” Was she flirting with him?

Jaz thought she heard his spine pop as Adam stretched arms up above him and sat forward. “Yeah, not happening today.”

“We’ll see, old man.”

oOo oOo oOo

Hands dealt, the draw under way. Adam was stalling. “I think my favorite game had to be that time we got Amir in that showdown…”

They never gave him enough credit for the deep, deep skills they had seen that night. “I thought McG was going to shake his leg right off, he was jittering so bad.” Jaz shook her own, still bare leg in mocking recreation. This time Adam kept his eyes from straying, running his hand through his beard. “I think the fact that we were all so doubtful helped tip Patricia’s confidence against her.”

“You know, I think I know exactly why that worked…”

Adam sat up straighter. What did that mean?

oOo oOo oOo

The pajamas had been the final articles of clothing in the plastic Target bag. Eventually, they were moved from being tucked under the end table, when Jaz had been making camp on the couch, to a corner on the shelf in the laundry. Adam was still reeling as she jumped up to go get them.

She returned with them in hand, tags removed and everything. Looking up at her from the couch, Adam knew there was no way around this. She never beat him and he hadn’t even let her this time. What kind of hypocrite would he have to be to take this away from her?

Still. Didn’t mean he had to go quietly. He stood and reached for the hem of his tee; lifted it over his head and held out one hand for the new shirt while the other threw his own actual damn clothes back onto the couch. Gloating only through her shining eyes, Jaz handed him the shirt.

Of course it was tight enough to use all of its fabricated stretch to fit over his arms and chest. Jaz twirled her finger in the air, motioning for him to give her a 360 degree tour of her prize. Was she some kind of ass for wishing it had been a vee-neck? If it hadn’t been built to be long and loose on her, there was no way even that would have been enough. As it was a stripe of skin showed between the shirt and his current flannel pants. Speaking of which...Jaz held out the matching bottoms.

Adam licked his bottom lip and fell back onto the couch. “Sorry, I thought we were all about the shirt alone in this cabin?”

“Oh come on! That was not the bet!”

“I don’t remember you making any specifications about pants, Jazzy. In fact, I remember you ignoring the suggestion we start wearing pants on several occasions.”

Jaz sat down again and reached for the cards. Shuffling, she figured she might need to improvise. “Double or nothing.”

“How do you mean?”

“If you win,” she continued. “I wear the new pajamas - top and bottoms, thank you very much. And if I win…” She let the implications hang; Adam picked them right up.

“...I’ll wear the pants. You’re on.”

oOo oOo oOo

Woken up quite a bit by his startling loss, Adam played a far tighter hand this round. He had seen her checking him out under the guise of relishing her triumph; he wasn’t sure he could take that if he was forced into those bottoms.

At the draw, he refused to discard. As uneasy as that made Jaz, she had the potential for a strong pair, maybe even a full house. In the end, she still held queens over jacks. A perfect show of strength.

“Sorry, Jazzy. Seems you dealt me a flush.”

No way. He had to by lying. “That’s not possible. Show me!” He laid the cards on the stool.

“What did you, steal cards or something?”

Adam started pulling the shirt up to hand it off. Jaz wasn’t giving up, though. “No!” One minute, he was battling the tight fabric to bring it up and the next, he had a lapful of Jaz pushing it back down. “Tell me how you did it!”

“Sheer genius. It’s a gift.”

She was laughing now as he tried to push her off with one hand while taking off the shirt.

“You didn’t even have to figure out what I was holding! There was no skill here! Just cheating, maybe…”

Maybe if he’d tried harder to defend his honor, Jaz would have believed him. Adam wasn’t even trying all that hard to get her to accept her forfeit. That’s why they end up with Jaz straddling him, which he knows isn’t going to end well. But she’s pinning down one wrist against the back of the couch and then the other and he’s under her panting from all the laughing before he realizes how far this has gone. He’s just, so open - too open to it and…

“Jaz.” There’s a rebuke there, but surely she can hear the want underneath? The pleading that doesn’t know if it wants her gone or wants her here, tighter, closer. So fucking close.

Immediately, all Jaz feels is shut down and shut out and she lets go of the cards, mumbles some excuse about going to check out the bunkhouse as she gets up.

“Jaz - you don’t have to -”

“I need to figure out where everything’s going.”

She doesn’t. She wouldn’t have ordered a single thing without its purpose being clear and its place a perfect fit. He lets her go anyway.

oOo oOo oOo

Hours later, Adam’s getting ready for lunch. He still hasn’t seen her. The irony of the situation and how far the role reversal is going does not escape him. Remembering what he had told Jaz just yesterday, he goes out through the rain to check on her. She’s sitting there on the bare hardwood floor, back up against an empty wall, reading something called Warcross. She ignores him as he assesses the situation and comes in to sit next to her.

Adam isn’t sure whether he should call her out. The Jaz that goes to Incirlik, that’s an integral part of his team, would absolutely balk at that, consider it heavy handed and quite possibly sexist treatment. Instead, he asks her if she wants some lunch. He absolutely means it in reference to their talk the day before.

“I’m not hungry.”

Adam doesn’t sigh, doesn’t try to cajole her into eating. Just agrees. “Okay.” Maybe she needs to work this out in her own way. He can’t force her to stop being embarrassed any more than he could have stopped his own damn body from reacting. He takes in how she continues reading, still trying her best to shut him out. Well. Shut herself _in_ whatever world she’s reading. Adam stands up and heads back to the cabin. She knows where he’ll be.

oOo oOo oOo

When she does come inside a while later, she tosses the book onto the shelf unofficially her own. Adam reminds himself to read the book flap when she’s not looking. Jaz checks the alerts on her phone and announces into the open room, “Stuff’s come in.” She walks over to where he is laid out on the couch, his own book laid open face down on his chest. Hand out, she asks, “Can I have your keys?”

“You’re gonna go by yourself?”

“I can manage.”

“Course you can.” He doesn’t try to convince her to let him come along. Adam figures maybe she needs some time, a bit of distance. They’ve been living on top of each other for nearly two weeks now. As awkwardly demonstrated over and over again, it’s nothing like the close quarters they keep on base.

He hands her the keys and says, “See you when you get back.”

oOo oOo oOo

The drive gives Jaz time to think. She really didn’t know how to process all these changes without some sort of direction from Adam. And that shouldn’t even be part of the equation, not until she knew exactly what she wanted, what she was willing to actually ask for herself.

What the hell was she doing?

What would Elijah do, have done? She had forgotten to include him in her WWHGD yesterday. Shit. He’d probably kick her ass for being so fucking transparent and then pushing Adam away the second things got messy. She wasn’t an idiot. She knew he was feeling something between the two of them, too. The way his face looked when he caught her checking out his ass? He hadn’t minded that one bit. And God, sleeping together - in the literal sense. She knew for damn sure the attraction wasn’t one-sided.

Even if they didn’t...do anything, beyond some harmless flirting. What were they going to tell the team when they came out to visit? No way they could just...go back to all those careful lines and neat borders around themselves. Not right now. Why had she let herself open up her big damn mouth in the first place? Wasn’t her place to go inviting no one to Adam’s home. But he had let her and now they were acting all...domestic...and she didn’t know if he was okay with all these changes being out there in front of the team. Why he would let them see her like this, flirting with him and sharing her favorite fictional world and cuddling up at night.

_Because they’re your family, too, Jazzycat,_ Elijah would have told her. _They want what’s best for you, even if it’s complicated and new and unfinished._ And fuck it all, he’d have been right. She knew that, she did. She bet Top did, too, the patient fucker. She put the SUV in drive and began climbing the mountain.

oOo oOo oOo

When she pulled up, Adam was standing outside the cabin before she had even parked. Without a word, he started unloading the boxes by her side, piling them into the bunkhouse. They still have to wait for the mattresses and the floor still had to be sealed before they could do much else with the room.

Jaz was too exhausted to think about unpacking, anyway. So much for their lazy, role reversal day. Being lazy had never been so tiring. Besides, all these homey treats and domestic decisions and, in the end, she was just their owner’s wayward subordinate - friend. Wasn’t ever going to be something more if she couldn’t get her courage up. She really couldn’t handle any more of that tonight. Noticing how carefully Top was watching her while trying to avoid getting caught, she didn’t think he could, either.

They were stacking the last set of boxes on the middle bunk when they heard what sounded like a knock in the distance.

“Adam!?” A woman called. Yep, that was definitely a knock. Must be on the cabin’s front door.

Adam crossed over to the bunkhouse door, still open from their ferrying. “Back here! Abbie, that you?!”

A tall, stunning redhead in a bright yellow dress and boots that were somehow fashionable despite their practicality bounded around the back corner of the cabin into view. “Adam! Oh, come here you!”

She darted down the cleared path between them; Adam rushed out to meet her halfway. Jaz stood in the open doorway, stopped by the knowledge that she was suddenly an outsider here. She wasn’t expecting to see him lift her clear off the ground and swing her around. Her peal of delight sounded girly and designed to draw attention. Adam finally put her down, keeping her tucked up into him as they turned to face the bunkhouse.

“Adam - who’s this?” The woman asked, disappointment barely hidden behind that ultra-feminine facade. Jaz hated her already.


	9. Chapter 9

The way Adam twirled this siren, her arms and torso wrapped around him, made Jaz homesick for something she had never really had. By the time he put her down, the two of them were a bit breathless and stuck on each other like kids with their first summer love. Jaz wasn’t exactly trying to blend into the woods or anything, but she was still surprised when Abbie bluntly pointed her out.

“Adam - who’s this?"

Jaz felt caught out; this was his friend - let him figure out how to explain her visit. Adam was tucking a thick strand of red hair back behind Abbie's ear.

"Is this your girl, Jaz?”

Adam didn’t even take his eyes off Abbie as he replied. “Nah, thought that was you? You know you’ve always been my girl, right Abbie?”

She beamed a bit and Adam smiled back and Jaz could feel herself getting ready to be rude. If he had been looking at her, Adam would have recognized the look on Jaz’s face - although admittedly, she was usually aiming that particular combination of derision, pity, and disgust at McG.

There was enough of a twitch in Abbie’s reaction that made Jaz suspect she had caught it before deciding the best course of action was to just lean right into Adam’s bout of sappy attention. Reluctantly, Jaz recognized that strategy when she saw it.

oOo oOo oOo

Inside the cabin was cozy. Which, really, was just another way of saying it felt tight to Jaz. Abbie had made herself right at home after a brief tour that involved running her fingers over favorite items and pointing out the few that were “new.” Like stack of Harry Potter books that she spied, punching Adam in the arm. “Finally! I’m so excited you finally caved!” All in all, it seemed she was well acquainted with the _coziness_ of Adam’s place.

Jaz didn’t know what to do with herself and it had been a while since she felt the familiar lack of fit so acutely. Her body remembered what it meant to make itself quiet, kept only on the fringes of awareness. Jaz began trying to figure out how to gracefully exit - or, hell, she’d settled for speed and feasibility in her exit strategy at this point.

Adam hadn’t seemed to notice her disquiet. She wasn’t sure whether that was better or worse than if he knew he was stuck in the middle. That might force her to consider whether he even thought of her as one potential end point...and she didn’t like the competition.

The bright yellow dress was the sort of rumpled that was built into the cloth. Hannah might have known what it was called; Jaz sure as hell didn’t. The dress managed to be both billowy with undeniably feminine layers of ruffles, while holding the sort of ease that Jaz associated with money. The fact that she had dressed it down with boots that were actually practical made Jaz loathe her attempt at downplaying the expensive investment in girliness even more. Who went trekking around a goddamn mountain wearing an expensive flowy dress!?

In the back of her head, she could hear McG’s wolf whistle - and not just to rile her up. He would remind her that it was a good thing to see Top getting some action. Most of the time while they were deployed, he lived with a chastity neither of them quite understood. _Of course he deserves someone that looks like that. He’s a good looking guy, smart. Respectful._

The handsome couple was in the living room catching up. Adam had made them a pot of coffee and poured a bag of pistachios into a bowl to bring into the living room. The way Abbie was curled up in the armchair made it feel like she was settled in for a long chat. Sitting together on the couch where Jaz had fucked things up earlier today was something Jaz just couldn’t do and they probably didn’t want her tagging along anyway.

Maybe it was time for this mostly-random, not-quite-a-vacation to trail off and return to her actual life.

oOo oOo oOo

The backpack Jaz had with her weeks ago when Adam picked her up was on a shelf in the laundry closet. It had been easy to slip away from the conversation and start gathering her things. If she was decisive and unsentimental, she would be packed and ready to go before full dark had descended. If Adam didn’t want to interrupt his evening plans, she was fairly certain she could get a cab out here if she offered a sufficient bonus.

Easy enough until Adam joined her in the bedroom, carrying his own backpack.

“What are you…” He looked around the room at a few sloppy piles of her clothes, a short stack of unread books, her phone and charger.

The question hadn’t required a response.

“You can’t go - we’ve gotta finish the bunkhouse.” At least Adam had the good sense to be truly confused about her awkward attempt to give him and his...lady friend...some privacy. The whole point of this was to avoid the painful clarity of confrontation. So it was a good thing he sounded so muddled, she told herself, as he continued. “The team’s visiting - I already texted McG and Amir. Early next week.”

Had he texted them before or after their scuffle over foolish bets and pajama drama? Why did that matter? Jaz was sure it did, but couldn't bring herself to think about why. Not while she was scrambling for a way out of here that maintained some vague sense of dignity. There were too many possibilities now, potential pathways for mediating the best chances for the least painful outcome. Jaz went still still still while she tried to think and Adam, Adam was grabbing his own clothes from the bureau. He pulled a sleeping bag from the closet and tossed it onto the floor while he grabbed his boots to replace the sneakers on his feet.

Sitting on the end of the bed to tie his laces effectively blocked Jaz between the windowed wall and an Adam preparing to leave. He was clearly too distracted for that to have been on purpose, she figured. Or at least, she hoped so: being cornered was flooding her limbs with the urge to _move_ and Adam wouldn’t do that to her. Even if he had wanted to keep her from leaving while he was...gone? Wait, what was he doing?

“We’re going up mountain, gonna camp out a few nights. Catch up.” The thud as Adam switched feet made Jaz startle, but she kept it from vibrating outward into her muscles. “We haven’t seen each other in, God, since last leave.”

And a few nights was going to be enough, was it? Well, at least they’d be out of earshot. That would have been...awkward. Still, it was just as weird to be effectively kicking him out of his own house just to save her the embarrassment of close quarters, wasn’t it?

Finishing with his boots, Adam stood and faced the wrong way, turning to Jaz instead of heading back out to the living room and the door to the mountain. He started to reach for her and caught her stance, her carefully constructed blankness. Instead of touching her, he turned his hand into a universal sign of halting motion. “Don’t leave, okay?” And then he did that damn thing where he was patient and stubborn and waited her out.

Her eyes finally on his, he added, “I’ll be back in a few days. The guys are coming to see us, so don’t do anything to worry them.”

Us. Them. And off with Abbie.

oOo oOo oOo

Jaz did not plan to unpack or set up the bunkhouse while Adam was gone. She wasn’t too proud to admit it: she planned to wallow instead.

Top had kissed the side of her head as he left. The kind of so-distracted-it-had-to-be-heartfelt kiss. But also the kind that McG was apt to level at her for good behavior. What did that even mean here?

oOo oOo oOo

They hiked for hours, Adam pressing them further than Abbie had intended to go. Twice they paused and she thought they might make camp. Both times, Adam had looked around, walked back and forth across a reasonable clearing, and shook his leg in that way that she knew meant he needed to keep moving. Her breath hadn’t even had a chance to even out before they were off again.

The third time he slowed to a stop, Abbie took off her backpack and let it fall to the ground. Giving him a minute to process her silent decision, Abbie drank some water and did a quick scan to mark in her mind where they had landed. Because by God, this is where they were stopping for the night. Decision made, she walked up to Adam to suggest he get on board. Eyebrows raised in his direction, not even a word, and he was pulling off his backpack, too.

They set up the tent together, their collaboration as fluid as with any of the men - or women - Adam had trained and served with over the years. They were methodical and shared tasks with an ease born of repetition. Once the tent was up, Abbie sat back on her heels and sighed out, “I’ve missed this.” She looked over at Adam fondly. “You.”

Normally that wouldn’t have brought a lump to Adam’s throat. Abbie was sentimental and she wore her feelings on her sleeve. It was one of the reasons they worked so well - she rained that affection down on Adam like it was his due just for being. Except he had been questioning that very fact, whether he deserved some love and affection in his life these past few weeks. He hadn’t realized how much it had been affecting him until he heard how easily Abbie put her love out there. Without question, without qualifications.

So he had grunted out a rough, “Yeah. Me, too.” And grabbed his pack and hers to bring inside. When he emerged, Abbie was gathering wood for a fire. He called over to her, “Oh hey, I’m really beat. I don't think I can make it through a fire tonight.”

She started back over towards him. “Yet you would have kept wandering around the entire gap if I hadn’t put my foot down.”

“It’s a lovely foot,” he conceded. Abbie left the pile of wood already in her arms nearby for the morning. Adam nodded at the tent’s interior. “Can we just - call it a night? We can pick up again tomorrow with the updates and the -" Adam's yawn helped make his point. "I promise I'll be much better at providing you with the proper attention after tonight."

She raised a finely plucked eyebrow in his direction and preceded him into the tent.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next moves are debated and Jaz gets a sorely needed assist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last chapter was kinda mean and this was already drafted so...

Sleeping rough was new to neither Adam nor Abbie. Camping together was part of their thing - and Adam liked their thing, this part and the rest of it. Abbie was like command: everything else in his life was complicated; but making the call and sticking by it? Sticking by her? That was easy. He had never known anything else like it, really.

She had indulged him in hiking so far out to make camp, he knew. He would make it up to her in the morning by making her breakfast in bed. Abbie would like that. Didn’t she always say she missed it when no one was there to pamper her?

All snuggled up, Adam plotted out the next few days. There was so much to catch up on from Abbie’s life stateside - and to update her on, as well. She knew about the major changes this tour: Elijah’s replacement, Amir’s transition, Preach. Some developments had happened more recently, though, and he knew she would demand to know immediately if she knew there was any news on a more personal front. Might soften the blow of her response if he planned a few other indulgences beyond breakfast in bed, now that he thought of it.

One hour later, Adam was wrapping up a plan to make sure Abbie didn’t kill him. Two hours later, he was stuck in analysis mode, with a different problem in mind altogether. He lay on his back turning the day over and over as he tried to get a grasp on Jaz’s perspective.

“So - the thing is…” Adam sighed. It wasn’t like he was getting any rest until this was off his back. 

“Mmm hmmmm.” Came Abbie’s sleepy acknowledgement beside him.

“I don’t know what to do about Jaz.”

That had Abbie waking up. She turned over onto her back and tried to make out Adam’s face in the dark. “Tell me everything…”

oOo oOo oOo

Jaz doesn’t sleep well that night, either. For one thing, she ends up on the couch. The bed held a whole slew of falsely bright memories now, compared to her momentary misjudgement on the couch. It’s easier to convince herself that the couch is her place here, now that she knows there’s an Abbie in the picture.

For another, all she could do once she was lying in the dark was go over all the ways Adam had screwed her over. How could he have kept something so big, so important in his life from her? Never mind that she had been here for weeks, now. Cuddling up with her at night? If she were Abbie, she would not put up with that shit. Surely they didn’t have an agreement that freed him up when he was deployed - Top never went out on the make with them, never caught an easy lay after a mission. So why the fuck was he somewhere out on his stupid mountain holed up with some apparently-not-random woman for whom Jaz had just been swept aside as soon as she showed up demanding hugs and special overnight trips?

And he hadn’t _caved_ to read Harry Potter for Abbie. Those were her fucking books. With her hypotheses and analysis and jokes interwoven with his in the margins.

Her phone said it was just about midnight when Jaz resolved a final time to make it until morning and clear out. Get somewhere where she could clear her head. The irony of leaving in a fit of emotion after arriving in a fit of blind panic did not escape her. And she hated him for that, too.

oOo oOo oOo

It was not long after Jaz’s internal debate when Adam unloaded his ethical dilemma on his best friend half a mountain away. An hour of explaining why she was here and who she was when she was here and how he couldn’t imagine going back to being Top and Sargeant Kahn and Abbie was ready to hit him over the head with something hard. “She’s just - I can’t stop thinking about her. About what a life with her would look like outside of, of missions and training and the hut.”

“You love those with her, too, though, don’t you?”

“I really do. It’s like, God it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen, the way we move together in the field.”

Abbie waggled her eyebrows; he couldn’t see the motion, but he could hear it in her voice. “Makes you wonder how else you might move together with such...skill.”

“I’m being serious! I can’t give that up. Can’t ask her to.”

“Oh I am, too! You’re in love with her, of course you want to extend that to all the ways a couple can -”

Adam stopped that train of thought right there. “We are not screwing.”

Abbie sighed. “Adam. I have known you since we were sixteen years old and we were both still scared of girls altogether. You’re lying here dreaming out loud about living with this woman. Are you telling me you don’t want to sleep with Jaz?”

If he couldn’t admit it to Abbie, he had no business even thinking about figuring any of this out within the bounds of their reality. “I’m telling you I can’t. And I want to. And I have no fucking clue what she needs.”

_Fucking idiot thought he was in charge of what she needed, not finding out what she wants._ “Well if you don’t start figuring it out, I’m taking a stab at it.” And with that she turned over and left her best friend to his brooding.

oOo oOo oOo

It was barely dawn when Jaz let herself off of the couch to finish packing what she could carry out. Jaz paused at the counter with a scrap of paper. She knew Top would be upset when he returned; she would have to leave some sort of note if she didn’t want him trying to follow. That would just prolong all this unnecessary drama. Jaz didn’t care if he called in every last one of the considerable favors owed to him; she would make it clear she didn’t want him to pursue her.

Well. She might care. As pissed off as she was, she knew running wasn’t going to fix this, just like it wasn’t right for Adam to have left her behind. Lying to herself about how hurt she was wouldn’t get her anywhere but in trouble. Dr. Martin said she should trust her guys when she couldn’t trust herself. That sparked an idea.

Laptop out, interface login complete, Jaz scanned the analysts directory. She dialed the number and let it ring all the way to voicemail. No luck. Hesitating only a moment, she uses the cell phone number Amir had given her on their way to DC for debriefing. Amir, bless him, picks up after a single ring.

“Hey stranger.”

She takes the jab. “Hi. Hello. I need a favor.”

On base, that abrupt request wouldn’t have been out of character. On leave, though? Amir hadn’t heard from her and he was listening with the full power of his instincts.

“Are you okay? Where are you?”

So Adam hadn’t told him she was already at the cabin. Okay. Jaz could skip that part, too. “I’m alright. I just - I need to get in touch with Hannah. Today.”

A rather telling pause on both their ends.

Jaz knew he had access; she just had to convince him to share it. “It’s not Omega business.” Technically. Not if she and Adam weren’t...whatever. “She isn’t picking up at work yet. I won’t tell her you gave me her number.”

Amir chuckled. “She’ll assume you got it from Top.” Jaz knew the two of them had become friends, just like she knew Amir was angling for something deeper with the woman. That’s what she was banking on - that and her offer to help ‘girls stick together,’ as she put it during their time in DC. 

“I’ll send it to you in a minute. Jaz, you sure you’re okay?”

“No. But I will be, I promise. Hannah can help, which means you’re helping, too.”

He sent her the number followed by a ridiculous string of emoticons. Leave it to Amir’s fondness for the absurd intricacies of American culture to make her actually laugh out loud.

oOo oOo oOo

“I know it’s early.” Jaz didn’t have a better opening than that apology when Hannah answered her cell. She backed up a step. “This is Jaz. Kahn.” 

“How many ‘Jazzes’ do you think I know?” Ordinarily, Jaz wouldn’t mind a bit of snark. She just wasn’t sure whether to lean into it or go full honest confession here.

“Amir said he’s worried about you. That you thought I could help?” Jaz made a mental note to figure out how to repay Amir for that simple kindness. 

“I hope so. How well do you know Top?” And then she laid it all out on the line.

oOo oOo oOo

Hannah’s advice hadn’t been simple, despite her logical approach to assessing the situation. She was fair in weighing the costs and courses of action that lay before Jaz. 

When it came down to it, Hannah advocated for a difficult choice that would hopefully provide clarity in the end - not just for the team’s continued ability to function, though surely that was a real concern. Jaz got the sense Hannah might be a closeted romantic. “Don’t leave,” she had repeated at several junctions.

“But he left!” was Jaz’s initial reaction. And, “I didn’t even know she existed!”

“I could have that conversation with him on neutral territory,” she replied once. “If I leave, I can come to DC or...anywhere, really. Leave a note. Top can come have that discussion if he wants it.”

“I could come back when the guys are here,” even.

It all boiled down to two key assumptions and a secret fact. First, “You deserve an explanation, Jaz.” 

Hearing that from their analyst, who was more Adam’s than hers, made her blood boil all over again. Jaz had practically growled into the phone. “Oh give him hell, absolutely!” Hannah agreed. “But - if you leave, are you sure Dalton won’t read that as a sign that you want him to leave you alone?” Jaz was focusing more on the “give him hell” part of that advice than the “how will Adam react” end of things.

Which brought them to the second assumption.

“He doesn’t know what you want. I know you think he does, I know you feel unbelievably transparent.” _Raw_ was the word that came to mind. “But you have risen through the ranks of men, you know what they’re like when it comes to understanding women. Even Dalton. And not for nothing, but those of us who read your face for a living can’t always make heads or tails of what’s going on inside your head.” 

It was hard to hear, though Jaz could concede it was true. Whether she left or stayed, Jaz had to decide how badly she wanted Adam to know what she knew about herself, about what she wanted. She didn’t think that was a decision she could put off much longer. Leaving now might make that conversation even harder when it happened.

On top of those two critical points, Hannah had some intel she thought Jaz deserved to know, given the unfolding situation. “Jaz. I want you to know that I am risking quite a bit here. Not because of protocol, that’s…” She started again. “I don’t take breaking Dalton’s confidence lightly.”

Asshole. What else had he been keeping from her?

“We got some unofficial paperwork yesterday from Dalton. A request for the Deputy Director to assess the chances that a close and continuing with you would be deemed acceptable within the current Omega team structure. Patricia’s eyes only, officially the request does not exist; she tasked the assessment to me.”

Well fuck. Now she had to stay.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing is a beeaaast. And a pretty ugly one, too. Ugh.
> 
> There may be fluffies in their future. Pretty sure I've got some happy endings somewhere in my gdrive. But good lord, getting there...

Hannah had told her she could call, anytime. For an undercover agent-turned-analyst, Jaz was pretty sure Hannah was a straight shooter. There had been few people in her life who Jaz had instantly trusted; not to mention, those instincts were currently under heavy fire as Top romped around the woods with ‘his girl’ after secretly telling their boss he, what - had a crush on her? Was closer than he knew he was supposed to be?

In an earlier stage of life, Jaz would have closed herself off, focused on building better defenses that wouldn’t fail her next time. Instead, she found herself spontaneously inviting Hannah to join them at the cabin when the guys arrived. 

“I don’t know when - Top set things up with the guys. You could ask Amir, though?”

The laugh that came over the line suggested that a) she might have seen through Jaz’s thinly veiled attempt to gain some intel on developments between the two of them, and b) Hannah didn’t exactly mind Jaz playing matchmaker. 

“Sure, I could do that. I’d love to come out there. If I do give him a call, can I brief him on what’s going on in Pennsylvania? He seemed worried about you.”

Jaz’s stomach did a flip. On one hand, Amir was becoming one of her guys - nothing she could do about that. On the other, she wasn’t sure he would understand. Was she ready for him to judge her for being That Girl?

“ _I_ don’t know what’s going on. Can you brief me?” Perhaps the joke would be distracting and honest enough to communicate her dilemma. Hannah sighed across the line. “You’re a badass, fierce woman, Jaz. And Top knows it. For what it’s worth, I don’t think this has to derail anything you’ve got between you - at home or in the field.”

_At home._ She had a home with Adam. Or - could? 

And because Hannah was sincere when she suggested that sisters were every bit as important as brothers in this job, she asked Jaz, “How do you want me to advise Patricia?”

oOo oOo oOo

Without Adam there to explain and defend his part, Jaz couldn’t organize her thoughts. All the questions and the many, many possibilities before her kept swirling in a toxic combination of doubt and desperate desire. She wasn’t sure which she hated more. Jaz hadn’t wanted something so badly that she wasn’t sure she could have since she signed up for the army.

So she organized other things. Took down all the books, which seemed to be in some semblance of almost-alphabetical order (minus the section she had claimed for her own growing pile). Instead, she put them back on the shelves arranged by genre. Most of them she knew, at least vaguely enough to organize each genre into an internal system according to Jaz’s own likes, dislikes, and lack of first hand knowledge. She found Adam’s gun cabinet in the double closet across from the front door. There was cleaning kit nearby, as well. So methodically it soothed her entire body into routine, Jaz disassembled, cleaned, and reassembled every gun in the joint. 

Over the course of the day Jaz found: three medals for selfless leadership, a hidden stash of chocolate, a photograph of three little blond girls with a teenaged Adam, and a short stack of official army records, some with familiar names (like Campbell) and some entirely foreign. All were put back in their places with a smug sort of self-righteous pride: she was better than snooping. She would never mention these hidden symbols of various shadows in Adam’s life. Let Adam tell her only what he deemed necessary about himself. See where that got them.

When she ran out of objects to put into order, Jaz grabbed the bleach and diluted the promise of a clean home into a bucket. She scrubbed every surface she could and threw the evidence of how little dirt lifted onto the rags into the washer. Only then did she remember to open the windows and let in some fresh air.

oOo oOo oOo

Jaz decided she didn’t care if it made her weak or girly or really friggin’ pathetic. At the end of the day, she climbed into bed and curled up where Adam usually slept. Adam’s side the few times they’d read together, while she pretended the couch was unbearable. She could be pissed and lonely at the same time. She’d had a lot of practice.

oOo oOo oOo

The light was still gentle when Jaz was woken up. That’s Adam, her brain tells her, still mostly asleep. It smelled like he just finished a shower, the fancy shampoo he made her swear not to reveal was steamed into the air. Smelled like a spa for mountain men in here. 

It wasn’t until he was snuggling down into her through the coverlet that she remembered: he wasn’t supposed to be here. He was out on the mountain.

With Abbie.

“What are you doing?”

He replied into her neck. “Missed you.”

She had to shove him back; she’d embarrass herself if he kept mumbling into her sensitive bits like that. And she couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t murder him in her rage if he thought he was coming in here, snuggling close with a few sweet words, and everything was back to normal. The past few weeks had not been normal. His dismissive attitude when “his girl” came sniffing around may or may not be; she wasn’t sure. Because: their closeness these past few weeks? Where she felt owed a better explanation? Not. Normal. And even if it wasn’t how they worked together within the well-documented confines of the bureaucratic structures on base, it wasn’t alright. Not with Jaz. At her hands insistence on his shoulders, Adam rolled over onto his side. 

“Thought you missed Abbie. Wasn’t that the whole point?”

“Thought maybe you still needed some space.”

Jaz wasn’t too sleepy to look pointedly at how close Adam still was before calling his bluff with a glare. “That why you commanded me to stay in your house when you left?”

Adam had the good sense to look ashamed. “I didn’t -” Changed direction; bastard knew he had done it and that he’d had no right. “I didn’t say _I_ wanted space.”

“You didn’t say much of anything, did you? Before leaving with your girlfriend.”

There. She called him on it. 

The guffaw that came rolling out of Adam sounded equal parts amused at some unshared knowledge and stuck 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Jaz could glare with the best of them. “She’s not! We tried dating once, when we were in high school.”

Jaz gave up. All the air in the room wasn’t enough for the dramatic huff exploding in her lungs. She couldn’t face this, him.

“It didn’t work. Come on, Jazzy. Please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t -” The words stopped coming as he rubbed hard hands over his face briskly. Time to put himself out there to get her back to doing the same. How had he forgotten the cardinal rule again so soon? It was so easy, and effective, and all it cost was his own damn honesty. Abbie was right: things were shifting between him and Jaz and they needed to figure it out together. 

“I didn’t mean to push you away-away. Last night - or after lunch. The other day.” He risked looking over at her, hair laid out on his pillow. “I don’t know why I thought leaving with Abbie was okay. This wasn’t, isn’t, like any other trip with the guys. Leaving you for her, with her,” he quickly corrected. “It’s not the same as when it’s the guys. And I knew it.”

That was skirting pretty close to confessional territory, Jaz thought. If she didn’t know about his request that their boss tell him whether it was okay to pursue something more, though, that might just be a reference to the panic attacks that started it all. How he felt this stupid, protective need to stay here and help fix her. She still wasn’t sure how much that sentiment bled into whatever feelings had motivated him to talk to the Deputy Director without talking with her first.

Adam sighed and breathed out into the air above them. “You have a way of sneaking up on me, you know?”

She did, she did know that. Usually, she loved that she could surprise him, took no small amount of pride in that barometer of her skill. Also? She didn’t much care right now. She was angry and hurt and exhausted in so very many ways. Jaz rolled over onto her left, away from him. Maybe she could still fall back asleep. She deserved sleep before dealing with the competing knowledge and mess of emotions inside of her.

Apparently, Adam was entirely on board with that plan. “I couldn’t stop thinking - even after Abbie stopped pestering me with questions. God I need sleep.”

“I know the feeling,” came muffled out of what was usually Adam’s pillow. He didn’t have the heart to ask for it back.

Adam looked across his bed to where Jaz lay curled into a tiny ball clinging to the edge. Abbie might not know Jaz like he did, but she was right when she told him he needed to come clean. Lay it all out on the table. No sense rocking the foundation of their professional relationship - and, consequently, Jaz’s entire world, he was pretty sure - on too little sleep, though, right?

oOo oOo oOo

Waking didn’t solve the problems at hand; they still lay thick between them. Jaz could practically feel them in the air, buzzing like tiny pinpricks of stinging energy. For some reason, being on this side of the bed just seemed to bring everything into sharper relief. That and the fact that, even in sleep, Adam’s body had heeded her earlier boundaries. His chest and arms and thighs had colonized the space close behind her. But no arm wrapped around her middle. No mouth settled against her hair or her shoulder. 

Adam’s first words, barely out of sleep, had a sort of fatalist symmetry to them. “Don’t leave.”

“I’m still here, aren’t I?”

Jaz reached out her right hand to push him back so she could move back from the edge of the bed. While pushing she announced her plan for the time being. “We’ll get the bunkhouse settled. I can move out there and Abbie can...come visit.” She wanted to demand that they talk, confront Adam about his unofficial C&C request. Ask what she meant to him. 

She wanted Adam to want all of that first.

Adam flopped onto his back, but kept her hand in his. She yanked once to reclaim it and Adam let her go. “It isn’t like that. We’re best friends. Like you and Vallins.”

Top didn’t play the Elijah card often; it caught her attention. Beside her, Adam gave a wry chuckle. “She did tell me I was an idiot for not explaining that to you more...thoroughly”

That might make Abbie right. There was no way Jaz was admitting that out loud. 

“Oh - you mean, ‘at all?’”

If he looked at her like she was being dramatic and some kind of possessive girly thing, she was going to lose her shit. Nope. That look of longing and the stillness of not making any move at all was worse. How was this her problem to solve?

Jaz rolled off the bed and sidestepped through the scant space between the bed and the bookshelves. Before heading in for her own shower, she moved a certain file from her backpack to the countertop. She reconsidered and then propped it up against the coffee pot. If Adam didn’t plan on getting his selfish, tired ass out of bed and making her some caffeine to grease this exercise in miscommunication, he didn’t deserve to know what was going on.

As she lathered up expensive shampoo that smelled like warm nights a bit too cozy together (and now, maybe, betrayed trust), Jaz wasn’t sure he deserved it any which way.

And yet, she knew exactly when he found it and read over its contents. The pounding on the bathroom door could really only mean one thing. 

“Jaz! Jasmine!”

The noise from the shower cut off and she yelled right back. “Don’t you full name me! Pretty sure you’ve been advised to follow my lead!”

More pounding. “Get out here!” Followed by a quiet pause - and a quieter plea. “Jaz, please.”

Jaz finished a rushed rub down with the towel and threw on clean clothes. When she opened the door, Adam licked his lips, bit off more frustrated yelling, and calmly stated, “You weren’t supposed to know.”

Oh, he wanted to emphasize that fatal flaw?

Adam didn’t block her way out the bathroom door, but he did fly after her. “Not like this!”

“So there was some way in which it was acceptable for me to find out you told my BOSS that I might be pursuing a...a...a...SLEEPING! With my CO!?”

“Jaz - we _have_ been sleeping together.”

She may have actually growled at that cowardly tactical move. 

“I didn’t want - I couldn’t ask you to - jeopardize your career? Because of how everyone judges a woman who makes it to the top?”

The look of dismayed disbelief on her face had been leveled at Top on many an occasion, but none so consequential.

“Yeah, because that might take away my ability to choose my life, hunh?”

Adam was looking around the room, like the answer was anywhere other than directly between them.

“I couldn’t be - I would never forgive myself for that. You don’t deserve that.”

“Oh yeah? What do I deserve, Top?”

He didn’t speak fast enough.


	12. Chapter 12

Jaz was storming toward the door. She was going to walk out. There weren’t very many times when Adam Dalton had panicked as an adult, but he just couldn’t grab a hold of this situation. Everything was happening so fast. “I want to reassess,” Adam pushed out into the space between them without thinking. Jaz stopped and turned around, slowly. “You want...what?” She was genuinely confused. 

“This - what’s happening. Not just - right now,” he gestured between them and around the room. Fuck he was off his game. He took a deep breath. “Between us. We need to reassess.”

Confusion settled back into irritation on Jaz’s face. She had stopped and was still listening; he just wasn’t winning her over yet. Okay. He could work with that.

“You’re mad, I get that. You have every right to be.” He took one step toward her, two more. “I left you.” Her face closed down. “I worried you.” He insisted with that familiar jut of his face, like if he just looked carefully enough, demanded she be here with him, he could find her. “You weren’t expecting that. And with good reason. I want to reassess.” His bravery almost worn, he added, “where we are. Us.”

Still stubborn, still pissed at being left in the dark, Jaz challenged him. “Where do you think we are?”

“I think we are cuddled up in bed in the morning and I don’t want to pull away. I think we are kissing, flirting maybe. Sometimes? Could be. I think you’re about to leave. I can’t make you stay because - I don’t have any claim on you. I want to, though.” 

“Make me stay?”

Adam was nodding persistently, slowly, as he moved towards where Jaz was standing with her hands on her hips. “Make you stay. Have claims on each other. Fight - kiss. All of it.”

He was close enough now that he could take her hands off her hips into his. Adam steeled himself and asked, “Where do _you_ think we are?”

“I think we are in a place where you can make the decision to put your life on the line without talking with me, but I can’t leave the cabin without you worried I won’t come back to you when I’m done being angry.”

It was true. So true and it shouldn’t hurt, but it did. How had he not realized how deeply this lack of trust went? Adam dropped her hands. He couldn’t breathe. He hadn’t been this scared since, well since the last time Jaz went missing. When she had almost died and it was almost his fault.

Jaz saw the panic, Adam panting and trying to keep it together. He was trying to assess, reassess the situation. “I also think we are in a place where we should talk,” she conceded, knowing he recognized the depth of the consequences of his actions.

He knew he wasn’t out of the woods. But Jaz was right: they needed to talk. “Yeah?”

Jaz was nodding in reply. “Figure out some claims,” she added.

Adam soared. “Yeah?”

“Yeah." She couldn't deny it. "You’re who I call, Adam. You keep...coming for me.”

“I will always come for you.”

“Even when you’ve left me for your mountain with ‘your girl?’”

The self-directed hurt that clouded Adam’s face, slumped his shoulders and drew everything toward his center, was swift and complete, as was the apology that followed. “Always.”

Jaz couldn’t quite shrug that off, even if she tried. Even if he didn’t understand yet. “When you finish Book 7, we’re going to revisit that word. Possibly at my tattoo guy’s place.”

He was looking at her like he did sometimes, when she was throwing things back and forth with one of the guys and he couldn’t quite follow. Adam’s head was still spinning. Jaz kinda thought it fitting, given the past 72 hours. “I’ll be there.”

Feeling no need to clarify any further, she turned to the door and called him with her. “Come on then. We have a bunkhouse to get in order before...when are the guys coming?”

“Next week. McG’s supposed to send us their flight info.”

“Okay. Cause we gotta update Hannah.”

Adam heard the deadline, the threat for serious repercussions if they didn’t figure all this out between them before then. He could get his shit together, get them figuring out these claims. 

Might need to start by winning back some of Jaz’s trust while talking about things they should have discussed a while ago.

oOo oOo oOo

In the bunkhouse, they started with the mattresses. The guy who had delivered them up the mountain had helped Top haul them just inside the door where they stood leaning up against the wall. The bottom bunk was easy enough and the middle level just involved flexing their biceps a bit. The top bunk, though. The height was a bit trickier. Jaz finally held one side of the final mattress up over her head while Adam pushed it over her hands to slide onto the bunk. 

The tactic had Adam walking the outside edge forward until he was flush with Jaz, then walking the rest of the mattress back with him pressed against her front. With certain confessions made about wanting and claims and kisses and such, the chemistry they’d always had between them was almost impossible to ignore. They shoved the mattress flush against the wall and Adam let his hands grasp its edge over Jazzy’s head. Just a quick moment, just to remind her they were going to have that conversation for a reason. 

Resolute, Jaz stood her ground and looked up at the blue eyes smiling down on her. She clicked her tongue as she poked his side. He could have held in his reaction to her tweaking him where he was somewhat, mildly ticklish. He didn’t.

“Stop that.” He batted her hand away while he walked back to the wall to grab the plastic wrap that had been protecting the mattresses. 

While Adam was balling it up into a trash bag, Jaz was surveying the rest of the boxes and trying to quell the urge to sneak glances in Adam’s direction. She agreed they needed to figure out what they were to each other, knew it was the best - maybe only - way forward. There was just no way she could make the words pulsing through her fingers when she teased him back from her like that make any sense outside her pounding heart and the itch to strike. 

Of course, she should have been trying to formulate a more practical plan. Adam finished with the packaging from the mattresses and took in just how much he didn’t know about what was going on here. “So. You - my credit card - these boxes...” 

Jaz looked at boxes instead of at him. “There is an end goal here - a vision.” _Of whatever Jaz thought would make this a warm and comfortable retreat,_ Adam reminded himself. It was alright if Jaz sounded a bit overwhelmed. He tried to recall that feeling he’d had when he first realized she was starting to nest, to share his place here. Wanted it to come through his eyes when he asked, 

“So this vision - it’s how you want your home to feel?”

“Guesthouse.” She was distracting herself with opening boxes as she corrected him. Adam saw her cheeks flush just the same.

“Bunkhouse,” he tossed back, defusing and further extending the understanding: when he said ‘her home,’ he meant here. 

The roll to Jaz’s eyes wasn’t serious. If it had been, she would have huffed and turned so he was at least in her peripheral vision and started in on moving things around, even it was without purpose. Instead, she put her hands on her hips. 

Adam continued. “I don’t know about a plan or directions, per se, but I do recall there being some kind of ‘mood board?’”

Hmm. That didn’t get any kind of response. “What are you thinking, Jaz?”

“Just - this might be easier if you go...read or,” she steeled her jaw. “Unpack. I know how everything is supposed to go in here.”

Adam caught the real source of her tension. That was the whole reason they needed to do this now, together. Maybe even have a little fun with it. “Uh uh. We’re doing this together.”

Jaz hesitated. He didn’t think she was trying to assess whether she had pushed the boundaries too far. Oh no. That? Was definitely her Negotiating Face.

“Okay. You need to follow the directions then.”

He took a few slow steps toward her. “For the vision.”

Jaz nodded. “Mmhmm. And to get the mood right.” Adam stepped closer. She pointed an accusatory finger. “Yes?”

Now he was nodding. “Yeah Jazzy. I’ll listen.” And then he was close enough to pull her in and lean down and brush his mouth against hers. 

“What was that for?” The fact that Jaz was suspicious almost made him laugh. So he kept going with today’s policy. 

“I like when you’re bossy.” It was, after all, the best.

Adam went and said that with a tip of his head to the side and that stupid, freaking sexy confidence-covered openness. Jaz couldn’t decide if she wanted to dip back in just to bite his lip or huff and turn back to all this stuff. So she did the only thing she could: she took him at his word. Jaz didn’t even call him out as Adam smiled like he’d won some undefined prize. She just started giving out orders about which boxes to open, where to put throw pillows and wall hooks. Gave order after order until she was no longer thinking about it.

Like when she sent him back to the cabin with the sheets for the beds and he came back with water for both of them. Jaz watched him take a deep pull from his bottle. The satisfaction that came over his face - she could watch it now. He caught her looking when he was done and sent an inquiring look her way. 

Jaz didn’t explain. She didn’t try to hide her flirty mood, though. “Got what you need over there?”

He caught on quick. “Maybe.”

Or like when the sheets were clean and ready for guests. Jaz climbed over the bottom mattress to tuck in the corners on the inner side and then climbed up into the middle bunk to do the same. Which put her luscious round ass almost at eye level for her favorite decorating assistant while crawling over and leaning down towards the corner. This time, she was the one to catch Adam looking and there was no question at what. 

Over her shoulder, dry tone intact. “Think we can get this done before you act on that thought, soldier?”

Christ, he got to act on it? “Yeah, boss.”

“Good.” Jaz finished that corner and moved to the inside corner at the foot of the bed. When she turned to scoot to the edge, she laughed at the unmade edge in front of her. “Adam - it’s really not that hard…”

He reached for her hand as she got to the edge and dangled her legs over. “Oh you got jokes now?”

And with that, Adam’s hands were circling her waist as he brought her down and spun them so he could sit on the bottom bunk, pulling Jaz conveniently down with him. Jaz pretended to be serious. “I would never joke about your desire for me!”

Adam just met that real confession wrapped up in faux humor with his own brand of serious. “Good,” he exhaled as he pulled her in closer, his mouth finding hers: Open. Wanting. Not quite hard, but definitely with great intent. They kissed for long minutes until the rush from the capture had worn off and Jaz had gone sweet and practically pliant on Adam’s lap.

“Jaz.”

Strong hands in her hair and strong arms wrapped just barely around her. Just enough so she knew they were there, as available as she wanted.

Adam was going to Talk About Things. Jaz hated when he did that. Except she was pretty sure it was also why she had fallen for him in the first place. Why her fingers knew to reach for him when she couldn’t breathe. That was why she didn’t try to wriggle off of his lap and out of this intimate trap. 

That and she suspected she owed him as much as she was demanding. And she was demanding a lot.

Almost as much as he was.

“Was it - _home_ \- that made you have the panic attack? Or just - your old neighborhood?”

She knew what he was asking. Wasn’t sure she knew the answer, but she could understand why he was asking.

Jaz shrugged. “Don’t know. Never really had one, other than Incirlik, I guess.” Jaz tried to make her voice follow only the chain of command. “You wanna find out before we -” She nodded slowly at the room, gesturing at something bigger than just the two of them curled into the bottom bunk. 

Adam, though, he was all fast movement, pulling her in and shaking his head in her hair and moving his mouth against her ear. “Oh no. No. The guys - with Hannah - are coming and we are not blowing that deadline. She scares me. Possibly more than you do, by the way. Forget your tattoo guy, we’ll go see Hank down in Carlisle.” He didn’t need Harry Potter to tell me the meaning of ‘always’ when it came to his girl. This woman. 

Jaz laughed, though he was pretty sure about Hannah scaring him. Well. They _were_ doing the whole honesty thing today, weren’t they?

The mouth that pressed into his neck with teeth just barely scraping up to his ear had been the star of several forbidden fantasies of his. Adam could be forgiven if the feel of it pressed up against his skin, even for a moment, made his brain short out. By the time Jaz was shifting back on his lap to face him, he was just about ready to start taking stock again.

“No tattoo. Not until we finish the series. And I’m totally telling Hannah she scares you.”

“Hey! No deal!”

Jaz let her gaze drift down to his mouth and fuck, Adam had thought feeling it on his skin was hot? Now he was watching Jaz think about it, too, all while leaning in slowly. Testing the weight of their connection, this power she had over him. He was done for and they hadn’t even figured out their claims on each other. Guess he’d have to tell her that, too. 

That had him thinking about claims when Jaz’s mouth reached his and he may have moaned into her heat. That was okay, he figured, as he felt her lips move into a smile. 

“Oh I so get to tell her…”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few updates are shorter than usual - I'm struggling with figuring out the connective thread between where we are and when the team arrives. Rather than stewing on it, avoiding it, figuring things out during my commute but not writing it down and then losing it...I'm just going to abandon the thread, post some scenes, and fast forward a bit at a slightly different narrative speed.

Making out with Adam Dalton was like something out of Jaz’s fantasies. Even if he did make her talk about things like family and home and whether she wanted him to continue filing the appropriate paperwork to take this claims thing official. He let her get away with thinking about it some more before she answered, so it was only fair she let him get away with sneaking in some more talking in between making out in the new bunk beds. 

God, she’d never get used to his mouth. Adam had wound up with his back against the built-in headboard with Jaz straddling him, mouth working each other as they took turns exploring. Every once in a while Adam would find a particularly sensitive spot that not only made Jaz break off a moan, her hips would start at the sensation. They’d agreed to take things slow, in between kisses and confessions and more kisses. Didn’t stop Adam from holding on and trying to map out her favorite places for his touch.

At one point, he rubbed his hands up along her ribs and his right stopped just shy of cupping her breast. Jaz caught how Adam stopped himself and grabbed the hem of her tee. Had it up and over her head before nipping back in for another kiss. 

Adam came up sputtering. “What happened to slow?” He leaned on all his training to keep his eyes from wandering south; his peripheral vision suggested she was wearing one of the bright pink bras she’d snuck into the cart at Target. Not exactly the typical athletic bra he’d seen on her. It wasn’t exactly the most overtly sexy lingerie, but it was enough to wipe his mind of anything else.

Jaz was smirking. “You really want to keep things PG?”

A big sigh and Jaz knew they were winding down. Adam’s head was leaning back against the wall. Jaz climbed off him and sat on the edge of the bed, leaning back on her right hand to face him. “Want, need - not the same, Jaz.”

She grabbed her shirt and went to stand. A strong hand found hers and pulled her back on the bed for a minute. Adam laid one last kiss on her lips, sweet and almost chaste. “I’m still claiming you.” _Such a sap,_ Jaz couldn’t help thinking. 

“Well unless you want to get to that claiming instead of finishing up out here, you might need to head back.”

This time when she suggested they separate, it didn’t set off alarm bells. Adam climbed out from the bunk bed and looked around the room. There wasn’t much left to unpack. In the middle of empty boxes, he figured the best he could do to help was go cool off. 

“I’m gonna go start some dinner. You wanna watch a movie tonight? Fantastic Beasts, maybe?”

Any excuse to cuddle up on the couch together.


	14. Chapter 14

It was three days before McG was scheduled to arrive. Top asked Jaz at lunch if she would join him on a hike. She knew with no rhyme or reason that he wanted to take her to the spot he went their first night. Mid-swallow, she nodded ‘yes.’

oOo oOo oOo

They set off up the mountain in a direction away from the trails he had shown her. It was a longer hike than she anticipated. Top was quiet and methodical; a bit broody.

oOo oOo oOo

They ended up on a ledge.

“This is where you wanted to bring me that first night here.”

Top shrugged; it was true. “You weren’t ready to see it then. Not with me.”

“You sound like Preach.”

Jaz was quiet, but she moved to sit in front of him, leaned back into his chest. She felt his deep, unsteady breath before he spoke. “He always knew.” The slightest of pauses. “Preach would have loved this. Us, sunsets.”

Jaz wasn’t sure what Top was referring to when he gave Preach that credit. The vague, yet somehow convincing, wisdom their friend used to inject into his constant friendly advice? Or the strange inevitability that the two of them would one day end up here, living through some romantic trope that may or may not mean that Captain Adam Dalton Had Feelings For Her?

The kiss she felt pressed into her temple didn’t help. Was that a friendly gesture of comfort? It was Adam Dalton’s lips on her skin; how could she feel anything other than a kiss? There had been too much of that - kissing that wasn’t _kissing,_ sleeping together without _sleeping together._ None of it was business as usual and none of it meant any damn clear thing. How was Jaz supposed to figure out these claims if they weren’t sleeping together?

The questions, the awful uncertainty of it all, made Jaz antsy. If she pulled away, they could forget about the sunset, the beauty all around them. They could go back to the cabin and argue over who was going to make dinner and whether they could put off grocery shopping until after their team arrived. Top could check on the bunkhouse one last time and Jaz could sit on the floor next to his bed reading. If this thing between them worked out, it worked out; if it didn’t, she would be okay. They could go back to being separate-together. Couldn’t they?

Is that really what she wanted? What would become of her if it wasn’t? How could she know whether it was even possible - she’d never shared a home with someone like this. Incirlik. New York. The cabin.

Maybe Top sensed that she was getting ready to put some distance between herself and this shared, sentimental experience. He wrapped his arms around her sides, not tight enough to be a hug, but enough to feel so very there. She thought he might be holding her as much for himself as to make her live through this moment. _Stay present. Be thankful for your guys._ She heard Dr. Martin’s words and wondered if he’d spoken the same to Adam. Her back still against his front, Jaz folder her arms over his and settled into him. She felt the air he let out of his lungs. They were on the mountain together. Everything else only existed in its time.

When the sun was finally set fully below the ridge, Jaz stirred. The light was fast fading into that oddly distilled quality of twilight. She stood and turned around to face Adam, who sat looking up at her. She reached out a hand, which he took, and she hauled him to his feet. They headed back down in the direction they had come, Jaz taking the lead until they were buried in the forest and she was no longer sure which way they should go. Apparently used to navigating this trail through the gloaming, Top passed her and continued southeast. “Thank you,” he breathed, as he took point. “Pretty sure it’s the other way around, Top.” He didn’t say anything. They didn’t talk again as they made their way home.


End file.
